#<= hes there like twice ill tag him
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two pages of clippy
#oc: clippy#oc: eddison#friends ocs#patented barker oc#group: edset#for those few doodles#deltarune oc#sketch#doodle#doodle sheet#oc: eden#<= hes there like twice ill tag him#ocs#my oc
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The interesting experience of being pro Sasuke, anti konoha, pro tobirama, anti Naruto ending, pro Sasusaku, anti Itachi, pro Sakura, anti SasuNaru, pro TobiramaĂIzuna, anti Madara, pro karin, anti Orochimaru, pro Uchiha and anti Hashirama. And also as much as I hate the guy danzo was kind of hot when he was younger...
#I FEEL ITS VERY IMPORTANT TO SAY THAT I COMPLETELY RESPECT SNS TO THE ULTIMATE DEGREE AND I AGREE WITH THEIR SHIPPERS ON MOST THINGS#BUT THE SHIP STILL KINDA PISSES ME OFF IDK WHY IM SORRY IT JUST RUBS ME THE WRONG WAY I HAVE TRIED TO LOVE IT I REALLY HAVE BUT I CANT#AND MADARA HAD SOME GOOD POINTS BUT I THINK ITS SHITTY THAT HE ABANDONED HIS CLAN AND THEN PLOTTED THE END OF THE FUCKING WORLD#ALSO ITACHI HAD LIKE OTHER OPTIONS!???? WHY THE FUCK DID HE TORTURE SASUKE TWICE LIKE đđđ#WHAT WAS THE POINT MY G WHY ARE YOU TORTURING HIM I THINK THE MENTAL IMAGE OF THEM DYING WAS ENOUGH DIDNT NEED TO GIVE HIM 500000 EXAMPLES#WE AS A SOCIETY DO NOT TALK ENOUGH ABOUT THE FACT THAT WHEN MADARA ASKED HASHIRAMA TO EITHER KHS OR KILL TOBIRAMA#TOBIRAMA GENUINELY THOUGHT FOR A MOMENT THAT HASHIRAMA WOULD GO AFTER HIS THROAT FOR LIKE- THIS GUY WHO HE USED TO THROW STONES WITH!???#ITS SO DIFFICULT TO FIND PEOPLE WHO UNDERSTAND SASUKES TRAUMA AND WHO LIKES SASUSAKU đđ#COS LIKE ILL 100% ADMIT THAT THE RELATIONSHIP WAS WRITTEN SHITILY AND SUCKED AND DESPITE THE FACT THAT THEYRE SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE BROTHERS#SNS HAS BETTER WRITING THAN SSK OR NRHN SOMEHOW???? ITS WRITTEN SO WELL PEOPLE GENUINELY BELIEVE THE ORIGINAL PLOT HAD SNS PLANNED#BUT ALSO SAKURA IS SO SILLY AND STRONG AND DID ANY OF YOU READ SASUKE RETSUDEN âTrapped by a body he knew perfectlyâ#OKAY SASUKE YOURE ON A MISSION??? CALM THE FUCK DOWN đđ#NO AND IN LIKE SSK FICS SASUKE IS SOME BAD BOY WHO JUST SMIRKS AND IS EMOTIONLESS AND SAKURA IS SOOOOO EMOTIONAL FUCK OFF YOU TWATS!!!!#SASUKE IS THE KITTEN!! SAKURA SO OBVIOUSLY RADIATES DADDY ENERGY YALL ARE FUCKING INSANE!!!#WHY DO WE GET KITTEN SASUKE IN EVERY OTHER SHIP BUT THE FUCKING CANON ONE!! AT MY FUCKING!!!! LIMIT!!!#FIND SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS THE COMPLEXITYS OF SASUKES CHARACTER AND UNDERSTANDS WHAT TRAUMA DOES TO A PERSON YET DOESNT HATE SSK CHALLENG#Uh oh I went a bit mad there hahaha#I REGRET NOTHING SASUKE DID NOTHING WRONG SAKURA IS GIRL BOSS AND THE NARUTO WORLD IS EITHER UNEXPLAINABLY VIOLENT OR FAR TOO FORGIVING#naruto#naruto shippuden#itachi uchiha#pro sasuke#haruno sakura#Pro Sakura#Sasuke Uchiha#sasuke did nothing wrong#It looks awkward to just go from all those long tags to the iddy bitty ones#Moldy-flowers#Kitten and daddy? Tf am i on about I've been watching too much game grumps shi đđ
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this pisses me off so bad, i shouldn't be thinking about it for my own mental health, but even with my somewhat limited knowledge of bnha canon the more i think about it the more examples i can find of boku no hero academia's rampant fucking ableism
#rant in tags#bakugo shouto nagant dabi toga twice shigaraki compress all might CHISAKI#the fact that the only 'hero' character who has canon symptoms of a psychological issue/trauma is bakugo#those symptoms of a psychological illness are anger issues#and the anger issues get treated as an immutable part of his character (and as the butt of jokes!)#AND he's presented/used as an antagonistic character despite being a 'hero' character#*AND* those anger issues are used as rationale for severe human rights violations done to bakugo!#(specifically i'm thinking of the sports festival bullshit)#<-ALL OF THIS SHIT WAS A DELIBERATE DECISION ON THE PART OF THE CREATOR/S.#the fact that the only presented psychological symptoms of the abuse shouto canonically suffered are being stand-offish and socially awkwar#and the âquirky cuteâ kind of socially awkward too. rather than the kind that makes you unpopular and deeply isolated and lonely#<-deliberate decision on the part of the creator/s.#nagant is presented as unrealistically unaffected by over a decade in solitary confinement#a torture method that can infamously produce severe and long-lasting trauma within a couple of DAYS#and it's even more egregious when you look at how chisaki responds to solitary confinement in the story#because chisaki was in solitary for a much shorter time than nagant#<-this shit was a deliberate decision on horikoshi's part. it was in the manga. i read it.#the fact that dabi's scars and shigaraki's skin conditions are both used to mark them as 'ugly' and therefore as villains#<-DELIBERATE DECISION BY HORIKOSHI. PART OF THEIR CHARACTER DESIGN.#toga's character is pretty clearly based off of the homophobic 'lesbian vampire' trope (which is homophobia not ableism)#AND her desire/need for blood is treated as something that makes her inherently 'weird' or 'deviant' or 'creepy'#suffusing even her character design and the way she moves and talks.#<-DELIBERATE. DECISION. BY. HORIKOSHI.#twice? yeah sure he's sympathetic. but his backstory presents his neurodivergence as a punishment for laziness/selfishness#and it's treated as a gag. twice is a gag character. and the gag is his neurodivergence.#<-DELIBERATE DECISION BY HORIKOSHI. you get the point by now.#compress loses his arm and gets it replaced with a prosthetic that functions exactly like an organic arm.#<-deliberate decision by horikoshi.#all might coughing up blood being used as humor#*and* the fact that his injuries and the way they disable him are treated as this oh-so-terrible-secret
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y'know, i keep making a habit of swinging my bat at hornets nests, but i have to say i'm getting so, so tired of people complaining about shows not making perfect sense when they aren't even close to done. we're four episodes into this season of doctor who. we're four episodes into this season of bridgerton. and yet in both fandoms i keep seeing people whine that such and such didn't make sense or it wasn't explained all the way and by god you guys i think maybe explanations might come later in the season. this is something most viewers will recognize as being called a 'plot.'
#like maybe a tiny bit of media literacy... might save you#and if you think i'm being mean like. its okay if you don't get it at first. it's okay if you don't understand the themes. but maybe#instead of stamping your feet and saying this makes no sense and i hate what they're doing and and and#maybe you could try listening to other people's interpretations of things and you'll find that what the show is trying to tell you becomes#more clear! would you look at that. wild how that happens#like im sorry you're entitled to your opinions but calling things bad writing just because you don't quite get it or it doesn't resonate#with you personally... i don't think you should just say this was shitty and worthless#the examples im using are because both resonate with me btw. 73 yards was existential horror it was hill house and bly manor#(im going to write about this in another post btw bc it compels me so)#it was about the way fear of abandonment can haunt you how mental illness can haunt you how you feel like you can drive people away#just by being yourself (the Woman was Herself what caused ruby to be abandoned was Her it's about her feeling as though she was the cause#of everyone who left her even as a baby even the people who loved her most could decide to not love her at the drop of a hat)#colin bridgerton is masking and faking a personality because it has been proven that time and time again#being Himself is Wrong that he annoys people he makes himself into what people expect of him because he's tired of being abandoned too#his family ignores and does not reply to his letters this season PEN stopped replying to his letters#his brother was cruel to him for being a romantic his friends LAUGHED AT HIM for saying sex is meaningful to him and don't they feel lonely#his Fake Rake persona makes viewers cringe because! its!! fake!!! he's faking it! HE GETS CALLED OUT ON IT TWICE IN EP ONE#if you don't understand he's faking it then that's on you at that point! i don't know! maybe take a minute to sit in the discomfort and ask#why did this show make me react this way and do you think maybe it was on purpose#''73 yards was confusing'' do you think confusion may be one of the ways ruby feels about her abandonment?#there is a theme in all of her episodes so far is it ''badly written'' unclear to you or do you just refuse to think critically about it#txtly#and im sorry for tagging this its just for my blog i kinda wish they still didnt show up in tags if i tag them all the way at the bottom#[old lady ruby voice] ''i used to be able to tag things just for myself once upon a time''#bridgerton#bridgerton spoilers#doctor who#doctor who spoilers
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ăě´ęą¸ëĄ ěě ě´ëłě´ëźë... ëŻżęł ěśě§ ěě?ă
so that new rokia alt huh
#puyo puyo#rokia#and or#roquier#depending on who you ask.#my stuff#tw eyestrain#eyestrain#bright colors#i need to tag all my bases with this thing because if attwn park's videos are one thing theyre eyestrain#anyway everyone listen to pinata and i by attwn parkâźď¸#the video on youtube has english translation if you need it!!#i just wanted to draw this dude and i happened to be listening to comic relief(newest album from attwn park)#and before that i was like. agh acab sorry rokia(roquier)#and tgen i remembered the bat? and idk man#this is symbolic in a way the video for pinata and i isnt. but uhhh something about killing your past self#honestly i dont know much about this alt i know korean not japanese#in uh. two years when kr ppq catches up with jp ppq its all over for you guys because ill know what the flavor text says#half joking btw.#but from what i know about him its like. he was a cop the whole time maybe? undercover at the spacetime detective agency?#and if thats the case then like. this is twice as killing-yourself-symbolic#killing your own persona to work undercover then killing the undercover persona to be you again but undercover changed you so fundamentally#idk if you look closely enough and you have enough delusion you can twist anything to be about anyone.#and i choose to make pinata and i about rokia and his cop alt.#anyway if you cant read the text in the picture (i did make it very hard to read) its 'ě´ęą¸ëĄ ě ë
믟쥹í ęą°ěź?'#which does indeed roughly translate to 'are you truly satisfied with this'?#or like. alternatively its 'are you really going to be satisfied like this' but i chose to go with the tl on the subs#anyway. this is inktober 5 LOL#something quick and easy to make up for the fact ive been drawing like seven pieces in one for every past piece so far#signing off for today. dont stare at this too long you'll go blind
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thinking about angel banishing sigil tattoos on Sam & Dean, but in order to make them effective, they have to be tattooed with their own blood. Which apparently leads to the body reabsorbing the tattoo after a few weeks, so theyâd have to do it constantly to stay safe. Sam & Dean committing to this ritual every few weeks⌠tattooing themselves in their own blood or maybe even each otherâsâŚ
#i do not think that is strictly healthy but this is Sam & Dean I donât think they care#they just go âoh we can force our blood under each otherâs skin to protect each other and leave a mark that anyone will be able to see?â#and then donât think twice they just do it#oh 𼺠Dean being ready to do it from the get-go. if itâll protect Sam. if itâs a bit of him for Sam to carry everywhereâŚ#heâs got the blood drawn and the tattoo needle ready before Sam even says anything#but sam has to be convinced. what if his blood hurts Dean. what if heâs too corrupted to protect Dean like that.#but Dean coaxes him into doing it anyway. heâll take the risk.#and then by the end theyâve both got matching blood tattoos along with their matching anti-possession ones#and they work too. Nick a finger and put the bleeding tip on the center of the tattoo and boom! banishing.#but they have to keep reapplying them as theyâre reabsorbedâŚ#which is probably a part they both like honestly. little bit of them is going to sink into the others bloodstream forever.#they are such freaks <3#spn#dean winchester#sam winchester#should I tag this wincest? I mean I wasnât thinking about it I just think theyâre Weird about each other#and like. whatâs a little blood tattoo compared to being platonic life partners in your supernatural war bunker where youâre raising#a devil son right?#but I guess you could also look at this as a romantic thing or something.#eh. for the sake of peopleâs filters ill tag it:#wincest#I can see it. it could definitely be that.#look away dev
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up all night thinking ab him sneaking glances my way
#im follow requesting his insta today đ¤đđđ#its like 5am but i feel refreshed after 6 hours and if i sleep more im gonna be groggy#i need 6 or 12 hrs of sleep to feel good theres no inbetween#or maybe cause ive been up all night thinking ab him lowkey#cause i fumbled twice when he tried to talk to me cause i panicked and got confused why he was talking to me#complimented me. and i ignored it cause my head was killing me and i barely heard him#he said whats up. and i looked away bc i thought he was tslking to someone else when he was staring at me straight on đ#but bro we're gonna talk today trust like we'll say hi or smth ykwim ill even wave to him#hes so good at sneaking glances ngl cause if i wasnt focused on trying to catch him i would not have noticed#like its so quick but when u pay attention its so obvious#post#erics tag#kindividual posting
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UM I MADE THIS POST ALREADY BUT TUMBLR KILLED IT- W H A T. WHAT. WHAT. WHAT. WHAT.
#I DONT FEEL LIKE DOING ALL MY SCREAMJNF TAGS AGAIN#IT FEELS OVERDONE IF I DO IT TWICE#BUT FOR FUCKS SAKE#AAAAAAA#WHAT#I DIDNT KNOW THIS WAS HAPPENING AT ALL#I WAS IN PRETTY FIRM BELIEF (DEFEAT) HE WOULDNT DO THE USA AT ALL#weirdly iâm proud#look at him#new york city#little man in the big city#love him#BUT WHAT THE FUCK#DO CHICAGO#ILL GO ALONE#ALONE IN CHICAGO#ILL DO IT#COME TO CHICAGO#WTF#TIM KEY#HELLO#CHICAGO PLEASE
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#ok guess what fuckers youre going to be on another tag ramble adventure with me#ive been afflicted with the same images in my brain tumbling around and the only way to free my brain is to write them out#and anyways i have been contemplating wol au uri for a bit due to various reasons (he came up and then i got this image and couldnt be free#shb with uri as the wol is. after killing vauthry. he is SO fucked up that raha STILL wont just let him die#he was supposed to have raha send him to the rift with the light and let him die there but now that he cant stop him rahas taking it himsel#and theres the whole. 'no we really cannot have the wol die.' thing.#that makes it infinitely worse to uri. him just yelling through blood to let him die! let him have his turn! he WANTS to die!#the idea of bring told that the wol CANT die makes it so much more unfair to him#'you wouldnt know what to do if i died? i didnt know what to do for years after louisoux died! i still dont know what to do without moenbry#da! papalymo can sacrifice himself and everyone adapts! shtola has thrown herself to the lifestream twice! minfilia died! i had to stay sil#ent and let ryne choose her own path if she died or not! i cant tell people that i would be lost yet everyone gets to tell ME that?#do you think i am better than them do you think them worth less why do they have the right to die and i do not!'#he is SO SO SO much worse as a wol and it falls out in one outburst after hes quizzed as to why he thought he could sacrifice himself#but he also realizes that its really fucked up to say that aloud so yknow. yknow what. yknow.#hell bottle up all his feelings and then one day hell either die or start crying and it looks like he aint allowed to die!#he still takes the aid from ardbert at amaurot with the statement that#'if i dont try and save who i might then ill never be able to face moenbryda'#anyways cannot stop thinking about me giving uri the echo like 'this will be funny!' and hes just 'my life has become infinitely worse'#HEAD IN MY HANDS
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Winged men I would hit with my car + reverse back over to make sure the job was done if I saw them on the street
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#todays category is loser ass authoritarian murderers that the fandom pretends are deep and introspective because they think they're hot#the amount of like. âif you hate sunday you weren't paying attentionâ I see on the internet. no girl I was paying PLENTY of attention#he trapped the entire population of his city in a perpetual dream because he doesn't think humans have the capacity to make their own#choices and so he pretended to care about âprotectingâ them and acted like he was making some noble sacrifice when really all he wanted was#to let the stellaron drain their lifeforce so he could use it to become god. like he's just a selfish fucking loser who thinks he's better#than everyone and thus deserves to be god and make all their decisions for them. he literally stole their ability to feel anything other#than âcontentâ. not even âhappyâ. like HELLO???? HE SUCKS#everyone's like âwow he's just so tragic he gave up his freedom to look after themâ girl he STOLE everyone's freedom to BECOME GOD#and I've already talked all my shit on hawks' bastard cop ass it's genuinely horrific that this man confessed to murder and became#POLICE COMMISSIONER afterward. he straight betrayed. psychologically tortured. and then âpreventativelyâ killed a mentally ill man#who was just trying to protect his family. and he was voice-recording himself an excuse the whole time he did it#ugh these two motherfuckers piss me off so bad i want them killed with rocks#not character tagging obviously but JESUSSSSS#cops arent meant to kill ANYONE and we KNOW he's capable of non-lethally apprehending people because we SAW him do it. he just wanted#twice fucking dead. he was yapping about how 'some people just won't go down' but he didn't even fucking try and I'm not taking his word for#it given he was recording it presumably to use as defence so he wouldn't get in trouble for the premeditated murder he was committing#bnha#hsr
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for always and ever is always for you
old man!logan x healer!reader
word count: 15.2k
summary: logan is getting sicker by the day, and charles' seizures are occurring more and more frequently. logan didn't think he'd ever see you again - but desperate times call for desperate measures.
warnings/tags: 18+ only mdni, smut, descriptions of blood and illness, angst, logan's pov, reader is afab, language, slow burn as far as one-shots go, no use of y/n, caliban being sassy, mutual pining, friends to lovers, unprotected p in v, oral (m&f receiving), face sitting, cream pie, some dirty talk and pet names
author's note: thank you @embbarnes for reading this and letting me rant about it and assuring me that it's worth posting đŤśđť this took me an embarrassing amount of time and i have to say i am pretty proud of it. flashbacks are in italics
divider by @saradika-graphics!
âThis is the third time in the last week, you know.â
Logan stares down at the deep red splatters of blood that creep towards the drain. The skin of his knuckles begin to turn white from how harshly he grips the edges of the sink â heâs surprised the ceramic doesnât shatter. He turns the faucet on, lowering his lips to the weak stream to collect enough water to rinse the taste of iron from his mouth.
âI know that,â Logan spits the now pink tinged water into the bowl and then wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. âYou donât think I fuckinâ know that? Iâm the one hacking my lungs up here.â He shoves past Caliban, exiting the small bathroom.
Logan doesnât want to snap at him â hates that it happens as often as it does. But right now heâs late for work and the last thing he needs is to hear Caliban harping on about this again while he scrambles to find his car keys.
âYou know I hate to keep bringing this up,â Caliban continues as he follows Logan into the makeshift kitchen of the abandoned smelting plant.
âI find that hard to believe,â Logan mumbles under his breath. He finds his keys hidden under some junk mail and shoves them in his coat pocket before pouring himself some coffee to take with him to work. Itâs day old and not as strong as heâd like for it to be, but heâll be glad that he has it when midnight rolls around.
âCharles,â Caliban continues. âThe medications are doing very little to help him anymore. Weâre having to give him twice as much as we were a month ago, which means we are running out twice as fast. Heâs getting worse. You both are. We need to find a⌠specialist that can help with both of our problems.â
Logan snorts in response, practically able to feel Calibanâs eyes burning holes in the back of his head.
âThere ainât a thing that any doctor can do for me and you know it.â
Maybe Logan hasnât had the flu, or strep throat, or even the common cold in two hundred odd years, but he knows thereâs no prescription that any physician can write that would stop his very bones from poisoning him.
âLet me rephrase that, then. Not a doctor. You need to see a healer.â
Logan freezes, his posture going rigid.
âIf youâre about to say what I think youâre going to say, I suggest shutting the fuck up.â
âHeâs had a record number of seizures so far this week,â Caliban implores. âYouâre barely standing upright. Thereâs a chance that she could help you both.â
âSheâs out of the question,â Logan spits before storming past him. He yanks the door open and slams it closed behind him as he steps into the late evening Mexico sun.
How does Caliban even know about you? Some of Charlesâ rambling in his rare moments of lucidity, no doubt.
It doesnât matter if you can help or not.
For a lot of reasons, it doesnât matter.
The most obvious one being he hasnât talked to you in over a year and doesnât know where the fuck youâre at.
â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘
âYou donât have to stay back there, you know. You can come closer. Youâre not in my way.â
Thereâs no hint of condescension in your voice. Only patience, and reassurance. Still, Logan doesnât budge from his position in the corner of the mansionâs infirmary.
You donât press him any further.
He had lost track of how long heâd been standing here, just watching in complete silence as you tend to the young mutantâs injuries.
Logan doesnât even know the kidâs name. He doesnât know any of their names. But heâd been the one to find all five of them in a locked cell on todayâs mission, and he isnât going to leave this room until he knows that they are all okay.
Youâd already taken care of four out of the five. They now rest peacefully in individual beds, no doubt the warmest and safest theyâve been in God knows how long.
Your hands hover a few inches above a young boyâs chest, emitting a pale purple glow as you wave them over his torso, letting your powers radiate from your palms into his body.
Logan notices the color of your power isnât as vibrant as it was when youâd healed the first childâs injuries, or the second, or third. Originally a bright violet, itâs now a lackluster lavender.
He also doesn't miss the way that you suddenly close your eyes with furrowed brows, but he remains in the corner, watching you carefully. You dig your teeth into the flesh of your bottom lip in concentration, causing Logan to take an involuntary step forward at the pained expression on your face.
Your hands drop down to the railing of the bed that the boy lays in, clutching the bars to keep you from falling over as the energy youâd been emitting fades away.
âShit,â you huff, out of breath. A thin layer of perspiration glistens on your forehead.
âWhatâs wrong?â Logan asks as he moves closer to you. âAre you okay?â
âYeah,â you grunt, nodding as you look up at him. You give him a forced smile that does very little to reassure him. âIâm fine. Itâs just been a while since Iâve had to use so much of my powers in such a short amount of time.â
âMaybe you should sit down for a minute, yeah?â Logan looks around the infirmary, walking a few feet away to grab a chair for you. He places it next to the bed that youâre still using for support.
âIâll be as good as new soon,â you assure him as you take a seat. âThis happens occasionally.â
Logan stands beside you, awkwardly leaning against the edge of an empty bed next to the boyâs. He watches as you lean forward, taking the kidâs small hand in your own. Thereâs no resurgence of purple â youâre simply holding it. The boy is sound asleep, so the act makes Logan wonder if itâs for his comfort or your own.
âIf I exert too much energy at once, I feel the effects of it. Not enough to really hurt me, just.. leave me feeling like I need to sleep for a week,â you explain with a weak chuckle. Loganâs eyes are fixated on the way that your thumb soothes over the skin of the boyâs hand.
âA gift that comes with a price,â Logan murmurs. âI know how that feels. Though it sometimes feels more like a curse in my case.â He instinctively glances down at his knuckles, his claws sheathed away.
âI can see how it would feel that way,â you agree, glancing up at him with a soft expression. âBut itâs not what your power is that determines whether itâs a curse or a gift. Itâs what you do with it. And these kids are alive because of you. A lot of people are, because you choose to use it for good. Iâd say that makes it a gift.â
âI guess I should try to look at it that way more often,â he hums.
âPlus, having the ability to heal yourself has gotta be pretty neat. I think youâre the only person here who would never have to ask me for my help.â You glance back up at him, a hint of a smirk ghosting your lips.
Theyâre pretty, he thinks â your lips. He mentally scolds himself, knowing now isnât the time or place to be thinking about your lips.
âYou can count on that, bub.â
When Logan wakes, he doesnât have the chance to mourn the memory heâd found himself reliving in his sleep.
He does find himself on the floor by his bed with the breath knocked from his lungs. His hands come to shield his ears, attempting to block out the high-pitched shrieking that makes his ear canals feel as if they are filling with blood.
Judging by the sunlight streaming into his room through the thin, tattered curtains covering his windows, he guesses that itâs mid-afternoon. He couldnât have been asleep for more than a few hours â meaning it also couldnât have been more than a few hours since he had given Charles his most recent dose of medicine.
With the world shaking around him, a half empty bottle of liquor and an old coffee mug both shatter as they fall off of his bedside table and hit the ground.
Logan and Caliban had recently cleared off all shelves in the smelting plant, moving anything that could potentially fall and break during one of Charlesâ episodes closer to the ground, but after a long night of driving around drunk assholes, itâs easy to forget that even a ceramic cup on a small table is a hazard.
He can tell by the way that the air around him feels as if it weighs ten tons that Charles has to be close by. He musters all of his strength to force himself to his feet. Each movement feels as if heâs in slow motion as he fights against the psionic energy that works to keep him frozen in place.
As slow as if he has hundred pound weights attached to each of his feet, he makes his way from his bedroom and to the common area. When he turns the corner, he first sees Caliban, still as a statue with his facial features contorted in agony and his typically alabaster skin turning redder by the second from the pain. Heâs less than a foot away from where Charles sits in his wheelchair, where he appears to have been watching a movie.
Logan frantically looks around the room, searching for where he had placed the bag of injections and pills when heâd forced Charles into swallowing his last dose just a few hours ago.
He finds it on what is used as a dining room table. Itâs sheer good luck that Logan had thought to prepare an emergency dose of the injection earlier that day, most likely thanks to Calibanâs lecture from yesterday evening still looming in the back of his mind.
After what feels like hours, Logan finally reaches Charles with the injection and plunges the needle into his chest. The second that the medication enters his system, the seizure ceases.
Caliban and Logan both collapse to the ground in relief. Logan clutches his chest, trying to steady his heartbeat and regulate his breathing.
âYou dream of her just as she dreams of you,â Charles whimpers through labored breaths.
âWhat?â Logan snaps, glaring at Charles from his position on the dirty floor. His ears must still be ringing from the effects of the seizure, because he canât have heard him right. âQuit reading my mind.â
âYour thoughts are always loud when you think of her,â Charles murmurs, turning his attention back to the movie on the screen in front of him as if nothing had happened.
It's the first time, Logan realizes, that Charles has mentioned you since the day of his first seizure. Even without specifically saying your name, Logan knows exactly who heâs referring to.
âMake that four incidents this week,â Caliban grumbles as he jerks the plastic bag filled with medication out of Loganâs hand. He digs through it, pulling out a pill bottle and dumping two into his palm. âHeâs averaging an episode per day, and each one feels stronger than the last. Itâs only a matter of time before he killsââ
âDo you know where sheâs at? Can you track her?â Logan interrupts him. Caliban pauses to look at him, visibly annoyed.
âOh, so itâs a good idea now that heââ he jabs a finger in Charlesâ direction, âmentions her once, is it?â He stomps over to where Charles watches the television, seemingly oblivious to the conversation happening right beside him.
âTake these. Both of them.â He shoves them into Charlesâ palm and then storms past Logan.
âDidnât say anything about it being a good idea,â Logan grunts, following him into the kitchen. âBut you seem to think it is and I donât know what else to do. So can you find her or not?â
âOf course I can,â Caliban retorts defensively. âAs long as you have something with her scent on it.â
Logan throws his hands up in frustration, and then rakes one hand down his face, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers.
âI havenât seen her in over a year. Why would I have anything that smells like her?â
âIt doesnât have to be dosed in her favorite perfume,â Caliban huffs. âBut I canât track anyone without some amount of their scent to go off of.â
âGoddammit,â Logan groans between gritted teeth. He turns in the opposite direction, heading back to his bedroom.
He thinks back to the last time that he saw you â the last time that his life had any sense of normalcy. The day of Charlesâ first seizure, the day that he saw seven of his friends die, you werenât there. By some miracle, you had been out of town.
But a few days before that â it had been snowing. It was the first snow of winter and you had taken a group of younger students to play outside in the middle of class.
Logan was called over by a few of the kids who begged him to help make a snowman. You kept to the sidelines, watching him with the students, your arms wrapped tightly around yourself to keep your cardigan pulled securely around your chest.
He remembers pausing what he was doing to run over to you and insist that you take his jacket until you were all back inside. He remembers how much he liked seeing you wear it, and how silly he felt when he didnât like that you remembered to give it back.
He remembers being enveloped in the smell of honey and cream when he shrugged the jacket back onto his own shoulders. Less than a week later, he found himself in Mexico with no need to wear such a heavy leather jacket.
It's now been over a year since heâs so much as touched it.
Logan begins rifling through the drawers of the dresser that looks to be as old as he is, containing all of the clothing that he owns. It doesnât take but a few seconds until he recognizes the feeling of the worn leather against his fingertips.
He brings the jacket up to his nose, inhaling where your skin and hair had rest against the collar. He breathes in deep, concentrating on the scent that transports him back to before his life was completely uprooted and turned upside down. With his eyes closed, itâs easy for him to let himself believe heâs standing in the kitchen of the mansion with your arms around his neck.
It's faint. If he didnât have enhanced senses, he may not have been able to detect it at all. But itâs there â familiar and nostalgic and unmistakably you.
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It takes Caliban all of sixty seconds to pinpoint your location.
Logan doesnât quite know how to feel about learning that thereâs only one state in-between the two of you. He wasnât sure where he expected you to be, really â it doesnât surprise him that you didnât stay in the state of New York, and he didnât think you would return to your hometown, but knowing that youâve possibly been just a half dayâs drive away from him this entire time makes a lot of emotions surface that heâs been trying to push down for the last year.
He begins the drive just after six in the morning. By the time the sun starts to set that evening, he enters the city limits of Silverton, Colorado.
Nestled in the snow-capped Rockies, the small town couldnât be more polar opposite of where he has resided for the last thirteen months. The stark differences nearly cause him to turn his limousine around and head back to the smelting plant without even bothering you â if youâd chosen somewhere like this to live, thereâs no way youâd be content with the brutal, dry heat of northern Mexico.
But this is the closest heâs been to you in nearly four hundred days, and despite the fact that heâs spent the last ten hours of this car ride thinking about what heâs going to say to you and still doesnât fucking know, he canât bring himself to go back to Mexico without trying.
Without at least seeing your face. Without at least seeing for himself that youâre doing okay.
He knows itâs selfish. He knows he made his choice when he took Charles to Mexico without even letting you know that they were alive. It doesnât matter that he had his reasons for doing so, it doesnât matter how much it killed him inside â he made his choice and he should have to live with it, without disturbing your peace and asking any of this of you.
He justifies it by telling himself that itâs for Charles, and Caliban. Maybe itâs his pride, but he refuses to make his ailing health your responsibility. Asking you to help with Charles is already asking too much.
He turns down a dirt road, following the approximate â not exact â instructions that Caliban had provided. Thankfully, itâs a small town in both size and population, so it doesnât take him too long to find the neighborhood that Caliban had described.
He knows he has found the right house when he sees your car. He recognizes it instantly due to the cracked rear bumper that you still have yet to have replaced and its unique sage green color that peaks through the light dusting of snow.
He pulls into your driveway, parking his limousine next to your vehicle and turns off the engine. He takes in the appearance of your home â a small, cozy cabin with smoke erupting from the chimney. All of your curtains are pulled closed but thereâs enough light peaking through them for him to know that youâre inside.
The thought occurs to him that he might not find you alone. Itâs been over a year â you could have found someone to build a life with. They could pull into this very driveway at any moment. Hell, you could have a baby for all he knows. He might be seconds away from learning that you have a whole family of your ownâ
His thoughts only stop spiraling when he sees your front door swing open, your face peeking around the frame a second later. Confusion is etched across your features as you notice the limousine parked in front of your porch.
You donât yet know that itâs him due to the limousineâs tinted windows, he realizes.
You exit the house, stepping onto your front porch with your arms crossed over your chest as you wait for the driver of the vehicle to make themselves known.
You havenât aged a day. Your hair being longer than the last time he saw you is the only physical proof that any time has passed at all.
Logan attempts to clear his face of all of the emotions coursing through him and opens the driverâs side door, stepping out of the vehicle.
Thanks to the adamantium poisoning his body, his eyesight has started to decline over the last few months. But Logan doesnât need to have his glasses on to know that you look like youâre seeing a ghost.
âHey, sweetheart,â he greets you in a cautious voice. He stays planted where heâs at, waiting for you to respond before coming any closer to the front porch steps.
He swears he watches you go through all five stages of grief in under a minute. Confusion fades to shock, shock turns to denial, and denial morphs into anger before youâre left with a blank expression.
âI know Iâve got a lotta explaining to do,â Logan starts. âIf youâll let me, Iâll answer every question you have. Iâm just asking you to hear me out.â
It takes every ounce of self-restraint that he possesses to not walk up the steps of your porch and wrap you in his arms. He may be standing just a few feet away from you, but it doesnât feel real. Heâs convinced that at any moment, heâll wake up back in his pathetic excuse of a bedroom in the smelting plant.
You take a few small, tentative steps forward. Your eyes never leave his, an unreadable expression on your face. Logan canât tell if youâre trying to decide if heâs real, if youâre about to jump into his arms, or if youâre about to yell at him to get the fuck out of here.
You come to a stop on the bottom porch step.
âWhatâs the deal with the limousine?â You nod towards the vehicle behind him.
âIâm uh â Iâm a limousine driver,â he answers lamely.
âA limousine driver,â you repeat with raised brows, though it doesnât sound like a question. âYou know, there have been a lot of nights that Iâve laid awake wondering where youâre at and what youâre doing. Of all the possibilities, I never considered limo driver.â
Logan opens his mouth to respond, but quickly shuts it again when you turn on your heel, walking back up the steps and to the front door. You pause before you cross the entryway, looking back at him over your shoulder.
âTake your shoes off at the door. Donât be tracking snow into my house.â
Logan watches you retreat into the house, his body frozen in place. As far as initial reactions go, he supposes that could have been significantly worse â but he knows he isnât out of the woods yet.
He follows you inside, kicking his boots off at the door and closing it behind him.
The inside of your house is warm, thanks to the gentle fire going in the fireplace in your den. Itâs cozy â youâve decorated for the approaching holidays. Garland and twinkling lights adorn your mantle, and in the corner of the living room is an elaborately decorated tree. The whole place smells like a mixture of the candle burning on your coffee table and whatever you have cooking in the kitchen.
It's not just cozy, he thinks. Itâs homey. And heâs about to ask you to leave it all for a dirty, grimy, old smelting plant.
He follows you into the small kitchen, where you stir something in a giant pot on your stove.
âDo I even want to know how you found me?â
He can tell that youâre trying to maintain a level tone, but he doesnât miss the way that your voice shakes and rises an octave on the last word.
He clears his throat, pulling out a chair for himself at your dining room table.
âHis name is Caliban. Heâs a mutant who can track other mutants. I asked him to find you.â
You hum in response, continuing to tend to the food in the pot with your back turned to him. Logan knows that telling you he asked Caliban to track you down is just the tip of the iceberg here, but he doesnât want to throw too much at you at once. So he watches as you grab a variety of seasonings from the cabinet above you, and lets you take your time with questioning him further.
âAnd why did you ask him to find me?â
âFor Charles,â Logan answers. âI didnât want to disturb you after all this time. I know youâre probably angry and you have every right to be but.. his seizures. Theyâre getting worse. The medications that I give him arenât helping like they used to.â
You cover the pot with a lid, and turn the dial on the stove down to low before turning to face him. You lean up against the counter, your arms once again crossed over your chest â a telltale sign that youâre on edge, Logan remembers well.
âYou mean the seizures that killed a bunch of our friends and have caused the United States government to classify his brain as a weapon of mass destruction?â
Logan gives you a curt nod. âYeah. Those seizures. Weâve been living in an abandoned smelting plant just south of the border in Mexico. He mostly stays inside an old water tower. The metal it's made from helps keep the seizures contained to the immediate area around us, but.. theyâre getting stronger. Happening more frequently.â
You chew on your lower lip, a passive expression on your face as you take in Loganâs words. You donât meet his gaze, your stare fixated on something on the other side of the room.
âAnd what about you?â
âWhat about me?â Logan counters.
You turn away from him again, reaching into a cabinet to grab two bowls. Logan watches as you ladle some kind of soup or stew into the bowls and pull two spoons from a drawer.
You place one bowl in front of him, and the other at a chair across from him before retrieving a bottle of dark colored wine and two glasses.
âItâs only been a year since I last saw you but you look about ten years older,â you finally answer as you uncork the bottle and fill the two glasses. You push one across the small table. âSorry. I havenât had much of a reason to keep any whiskey on hand.â
Loganâs not surprised by the observation â youâre not wrong. He knows the adamantium poisoning his body has taken a toll on his physical appearance. His hair and beard have started to gray, his skin appears more leathered, his under eyes more crinkled.
After barely aging a day in decades, the difference between a year ago and today must look drastic to you.
But that isnât why heâs here. He can handle some aches and pains, some coughing fits, and all of the other ailments that come with typical aging. He can hide it all from you â he wonât make that your burden to bear in addition to asking you to help with Charles.
âYeah, well,â Logan starts, staring down at the stew in front of him to avoid your gaze. âThatâs what working night shifts and taking care of a ninety-seven year old disabled psychic with Alzheimerâs induced mega seizures does to a person.â
âNo one asked you to do that, Logan. I would have helped you if you had given me the chance. I would have followed you anyââ
âI know,â Logan cuts you off. âI know you would have. But I had just watched almost everyone that I love die. I couldnât risk it, letting you get hurt too. Staying away from you for the last year, itâs.. itâs been one of the hardest things Iâve ever done. But I did it because I knew it would mean youâre safe.â
Youâre silent. Your lips quiver, and Logan loses his appetite at the way your eyes begin to gloss over with unshed tears.
âDid you at least think about reaching out?â
If your watery eyes make Logan lose his appetite, the brokenness in your voice makes him feel sick with himself.
âEvery single day.â
He doesnât tell you that you frequent his dreams, or that he thinks of you every time a Pink Floyd song comes on the radio, or that he hears your voice in the back of his mind telling him to drink more water when all heâs had that day is coffee and bourbon.
He wants to. But he doesnât.
You give a small nod to his answer, but otherwise say nothing. You pick up your spoon and take a small, unenthusiastic bite of the food in front of you. Logan forces his attention to his own stew, not really wanting to eat but knowing that he needs to â he had only stopped for gas and a bathroom break once during the drive here. He hasnât eaten anything since he choked down a stale granola bar before leaving Mexico early this morning.
The two of you sit in a loaded silence. Despite how heavy it feels, he canât help but feel more relaxed in your presence than he has in a long, long time.
Your spoon clinks against the empty bowl when you finish eating. Logan looks up to see you gulping down the last of your wine.
You sigh. A long, exaggerated sigh.
âWhy couldnât you have shown up yesterday, before I put up all of my Christmas decorations?â
â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘
Logan thinks that the interior of his limousine will smell like a Christmas tree threw up in it for the next few months.
Not that heâs complaining. The sickeningly sweet scent of balsam is a small price to pay for you agreeing to come to Mexico.
He knows he probably shouldnât feel as relieved as he does â he doesnât even know if your powers will be effective in helping with Charlesâ seizures.
But he can't lie to himself. The entire time he spent the better part of the night helping you pack your things into totes to load into your car and his limousine, he was on edge â afraid that you'd change your mind at any moment.
Of course he felt relieved when he watched your car pull out of your driveway after typing the smelting plantâs address into your GPS early this morning.
Approximately eleven hours later, he doesnât think heâs ever been so glad to be in Mexico. The drive to Colorado, packing for hours into the night and then getting a few hours of shut eye on your couch, and then the drive back to the smelting plant has taken a toll on him.
His hips ache from sitting for so long and heâs experiencing what has to be a pinched nerve in his lower back.
Thatâs a first for him.
When he arrives back home, heâs relieved to find that he got here before you. Maybe heâll have enough time to take a long, hot shower and let some max strength ibuprofen go into effect before you can notice the way that he hobbles inside.
âOh, thank God,â Caliban exhales when he sees the door open and Logan limps inside. âYou havenât answered any of my calls or texts. Did you even think to check if I was alive? He could have had a seizââ
âSorry,â Logan grunts, walking past him to retrieve the bottle of painkillers from a cupboard in the kitchen. âIâve been a bit preoccupied, trying to get back here as soon as possible and what not.â
He tosses back four pills dry and then turns to face him again. âAnd I knew you werenât dead. You blew up my phone enough to assure me of that.â
âWell, a reply or two keeping me updated would have been nice. Tracking you only tells me so much.â
Logan rolls his eyes. He doesnât have the energy for this right now.
âSheâs on her way here now. Howâs that for an update?â He pushes past Caliban, just wanting to go stand under a painfully hot stream of water.
âYou actually managed to get her to agree to come here?â
âIâm as surprised as you are.â Logan grabs a bottle of whiskey from the kitchen counter and starts walking towards his room. âAnd get the spare room cleaned up for her.â
â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘
âI know it isnât much, but Iâm gonna get you a better mattress tomorrow.â
A few hours later, long after Caliban and Charles have retired to the old water tower for the night, Logan stands in front of where you perch on the edge of the twin sized cot in your bedroom â if it can even be called that right now.
Aside from the sad excuse of a bed, the only other things in the room are a small bedside table with a lamp, and several storage totes containing your belongings that Caliban had brought in from Loganâs limousine.
If heâd had more time to prepare, he wouldâve done more, but just forty-eight hours ago he never would have guessed that you would actually be sitting here in front of him.
âItâs okay,â you shrug. âItâll be better once I have some of my things unpacked.â
âRight,â Logan nods. âWell, I'll leave you to that then. Just.. let me know if you need anything.â
He turns to exit the room, but freezes when he grabs the doorknob. He turns back around, and finds you looking at him expectantly â almost hopeful.
âI appreciate it. You coming here. You donât owe me anything after the way I just ran off without any explanation. But I'm really glad that youâre here.â
His heart swells when he sees the way that your expression softens. Youâre too good, too forgiving and understanding. The fact that you let him into your home, served him dinner, and packed up your entire life into a few boxes and came here after a year of no contact proves it.
He takes a step closer to you, trying his hardest to ignore the sharp burn that radiates from his lower back as he forces his body forward. Despite how hard he tries to hide the discomfort, you seem to notice that something is bothering him â he can tell by the way your brows furrow together and your mouth sets in a harsh line. You scoot back a few inches on the cot mattress, making room for him to take a seat next to you.
âAnd I just want you to know that Iâm sorry,â he continues, cutting you off before you can even ask if heâs okay.
âYou donât have to say anything. I just wanted you to hear me say it. Iâm sorry for the way I handled things. It wasnât fair to you. I was just scared shitless and wanted to do what I could to keep you safe. Getting as far away from you as possible seemed like the best way to do that at the time.â
Logan internally curses his rambling. Typically a man of few words, he canât help but feel silly at the sentiment. Youâd always had a way of drawing a level of vulnerability from him that no one else ever had. He still feels that effect today.
âI understand why you did what you did, Logan,â you start. You look at him with such understanding that he feels himself physically relax at your words.
âIt just⌠hurt.â You give a small shrug, bringing your hands together to dig your nails into your palms. âI lost my friends too, you know? You and Charles included. I know that you and I, we were neverâŚâ you trail off, but he knows what you mean without saying it.
Together. Never truly together.
A million almosts that never amounted to what he truly wanted run through his mind. Heâd long ago accepted that you and him would never be more than an unspoken thing but the reminder of it still stings, coming from your lips.
âAnyway,â you shake your head. He wonders if youâre thinking of the same memories that he is â the seemingly small ones.
The ones that he wouldnât have expected to stick with him, but ended up haunting him. Having a drink in the mansionâs courtyard together after particularly exhausting missions â or even just particularly exhausting days of teaching children. Walking into the kitchen to find you making lunch â and you just so happened to have made enough for him, too. You, on the back of his motorcycle with your arms secured around his stomach, your bodies pressed as close together as they ever had been.
âIâd be lying if I said I wasnât still hurt over it. But the truth is, I was too relieved to find you standing in my driveway to tell you to leave. And I missed you too much to not come back here with you.â
Your voice is barely a whisper by the time you finish speaking. A singular tear leaks from the corner of your eye, which you hastily wipe away.
âJust don't fucking do that again, okay? I definitely wouldnât be as forgiving if it happened a second time.â
âI wouldn't forgive myself if it happened a second time,â Logan tells you â and he means it. He still doesnât know if he can forgive himself as is. But you seem to forgive him, and that's enough for him for the time being. âI promise. Mânot going anywhere.â
âGood,â you murmur with a small smile, seemingly content with his reassurance. âSo, about Charles⌠I was thinking, if the seizures are as bad as you've told me, I probably won't be much use if he's actively having one. I was thinking that starting tomorrow, I could try to work with him using my powers little bits throughout the day. Not too much at once so he doesn't get frustrated.â
You're right. Thereâs nothing that anyone can do once one of Charlesâ seizures begins, except for Logan. Itâs solely due to his healing factor that Logan is able to muster enough strength to administer one of Charlesâ injections during a seizure. Humans â as well as mutants like you and Caliban â are rendered incapacitated.
âIâll let him know that youâre here in the morning,â Logan nods in agreement. âIâm sure heâll be glad to see you.â
âI hope so,â you sigh. âIâve missed him.â
As content as heâd be to sit here and talk to you all night, youâve both had long days of driving and tomorrow brings a lot of uncertainty, so he knows that he should let you get some rest.
âWe should probably try to get some sleep,â he says reluctantly. He starts to push himself off of the cot when the nerve in his lower back catches and causes him to hiss in pain. He tries to play it off, hoping you didnât notice the way he visibly grimaced at the sudden sharp pain.
âLogan? What's wrong?â You ask, concern etched in your voice. He refuses to meet your gaze, knowing it'll be harder to lie to you if he looks you in the eyes. Instead he forces one foot in front of the other, and takes a slow step forward.
âItâs nothinâ. Just stiff from driving so much is all.â
He feels your hand wrap around his wrist as he starts to take another step, stopping him in place. He hangs his head, still refusing to look at you. He doesn't think he can handle the concern and worry that is undoubtedly written on your face.
âIf you were anyone else on the planet, I might believe that.â You stand up next to him, and your grip on his wrist only tightens. His face heats up; a side effect of your questioning stare and close proximity.
âBut Iâve seen you get impaled with a crow bar before. It healed before I even had time to fret over you. So whatâs really going on?â
It hits him how naĂŻve he was to ever believe that heâd be able to easily conceal whatâs been happening inside his body from you. The effects of the adamantium poisoning have been becoming more physically apparent for a while now, and you of all people â someone so familiar with not only illness and injury, but also him â were bound to pick up on the fact that something is very different than the last time you saw him.
He finally looks at you, your face every bit as concerned as expected.
âMy healing factor has started to slow down,â he says delicately, trying to keep his tone even. The last thing he wants to do is freak you out even more.
âSlow down? How?â
âThe shit my bones are made of seems to finally be aging me.â He chooses to forgo using the word poison, but still answers as honestly as he can bring himself to.
âBut you donât need to worry yourself with that, âkay? Thatâs not why youâre here. Some back pain isnât anything that I canât handle,â he quickly adds when distress distorts your features.
You purse your lips, leaving him wondering how youâre going to respond.
Thereâs a sudden sensation radiate from where the skin of your palm and fingers are wrapped around his wrist â itâs a soft vibration, soothing and serene. It starts at his hand and travels up his arm before expanding through his chest, back, and eventually down to the soles of his feet.
For a few moments, he feels like heâs floating. The weight of the adamantium bones disappear for the first time in decades, leaving him feeling feather light. The feeling fades away as gradually as it appeared, and with it subsides the pinching in his lower back.
He realizes that heâs looking at you as if you grew a second head. He doesnât know why heâs so taken off guard â heâs seen your powers first hand before. He just never imagined there would be a time that heâd actually learn how it feels to be on the receiving end of them.
He glances down at where you finally release your hold on his hand. When you pull away, he sees the remnants of a purple glow emanating from your palm.
âI figured you would have said no if I had asked beforehand. Am I wrong?â
âNo,â he admits in a gruff tone. âGuess not.â
âWell? How does your back feel now?â You look at him with raised brows, as if you donât already know the answer.
âBetter. But donât make a habit out of that. I want you saving your energy for Charles.â
Truthfully, he physically feels the best that he has in months. In addition to his back being free of the sharp pinching sensation, the chronic stiffness that has plagued his body is gone. Even his eyesight seems clearer.
But he thinks back to one of his earliest memories of you â the one that had presented itself in his most recent dream. He remembers the vibrancy of your power gradually dimming as you grew more tired and the way that your forehead glistened with sweat when you were worn out from excessive use of your powers.
You roll your eyes and plop back down on the edge of your cot.
âIâm more than capable of helping you and Charles both. Do you think Iâd really let you suffer, knowing youâre in discomfort?â
He knows that trying to fight you on this is as about as useful as arguing with a brick wall.
âI don't doubt your capability,â he tells you gently as he eases towards the door to your room. âBut I'm not the priority here. Now get some rest, alright?â
Your response is a brief nod that tells him he hasnât heard the last of this conversation.
âGoodnight, Logan.â
Just down the hallway, he traces the tips of his fingers over where your hand had been wrapped around his until he falls into the most peaceful and comfortable sleep heâs had in over a year.
â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘
âSheâs a healer. She worked at the school as a nurse and teacher. You remember her, yeah? Sheâs here to see if she can help us out some.â
Logan hands Charles a double dose of pills and watches until heâs swallowed them. They are already running low on the seizure suppressants as is, but he makes him double up anyway. Heâd rather be on the safe side, since you are going to be working with Charles this morning.
âOf course I remember her,â Charles retorts after heâs taken the pills. âAs if I could ever forget with how often I see her face appear in your mind.â
âCould you do me a favor and not mention that, maybe?â Logan grumbles. He doesnât doubt that itâs true, but heâd prefer Charles to not mention it within the first five minutes of seeing you.
The door to the old water tower creaks open, allowing midday sun to infiltrate the dim space as you come inside. Caliban enters behind you.
âHi, Charles,â you greet him cheerfully âIt's so nice to see you.â
Your voice doesnât give it away, but Logan notices the nervousness in your gait â in the way that your posture is rigid and your footsteps are shorter and quicker than normal as you walk over to them.
Charles gives you a smile â the first genuine smile that Logan has seen from him in as long as he can remember.
âHello, my dear,â he beams at you. âWeâve missed you.â
You return his smile with a bashful one of your own, and wring your hands together in front of you.
âIâve missed you guys, too,â you say, your eyes flickering between him and Logan. âIâm glad to be here. Iâm going to be using my powers to try to get your seizures under control. Is that okay with you?â
âAnything sounds better than these two cramming pills down my throat like clockwork,â he grunts with a glare at Logan and Caliban.
âItâs not exactly fun for us either, you know,â Caliban scoffs.
âEnough, you two,â Logan interjects when Charles opens his mouth to respond. âWeââ he motions to himself and Caliban, âare going to give them some privacy.â
He'd be lying if he said the thought of leaving you alone with Charles during what will undoubtedly be a vulnerable time didnât make him nervous. But he doesnât want to overcrowd and overwhelm him, either.
Though a large majority of Charlesâ seizures are random, many have been brought on by a state of a emotional distress, too.
He knows that he doesnât exactly possess a natural aura of peace like you do.
A hint of anxiety flashes across your features before you quickly compose yourself. Logan starts to follow Calibanâs lead to the door, but stops when he's directly in front of you.
He reaches out and almost puts a hand on your waist before he thinks twice of it. His fingers linger awkwardly at your hip for a moment before he drops the hand back down to his side.
âI'll be close by, okay? If you need anything,â he says to you lowly. He glances over his shoulder to see Charles now tending to his bonsai tree, not paying attention to anyone around him.
âI know,â you assure him with a smile and nod of your head. âDonât worry. I wonât push him. If he starts to get agitated, frustrated, bored⌠Iâll stop immediately.â
Logan gives you one final, short nod before reluctantly following Caliban outside and back into the smelting plant.
âYou sure do seem to be getting around well for someone who could barely walk yesterday,â Caliban says in a faux casual voice as he tugs the balaclava style mask off of his head as soon as he is out of the sunlight.
Logan sighs and curses under his breath, already knowing the direction that this conversation is headed.
âNow that I'm thinking about it, I also didn't hear you having any nightmares all the way from the water tower last night. Must have had a good nightâs sleep.â
âWhat's your point?â Logan snaps. He yanks the fridge open, scanning the scarce shelves for something to eat.
He really needs to go to the grocery store once you've finished up with Charles. And buy you an actual bed. And stock back up on Charlesâ medications â
âNo point,â Caliban continues, âJust glad to see that you changed your mind about telling her about your condition is all. Even if you did threaten me within an inch of my life to not tell her right before you left for Colorado.â
âWhat can I say,â Logan grunts. âShe isn't blind. She clocked it within an hour of being here.â
Logan spends the next hour alternating between pacing the floor of the smelting plant and smoking cigars outside of the water tower. He reminds himself repeatedly that everything must be going okay, because if it wasn't, he would know by now.
He also reminds himself of the intense feeling of tranquility that came over him when he felt the effects of your powers. He canât imagine anyone not finding it euphoric â even Charles, in all of his stubbornness.
He's finishing up a cigar when you exit the water tower after what feels like an eternity. He immediately stubs it out, remembering how you used to tease him about getting cancer if he didnât stop smoking.
It wouldnât surprise him if that was an actual possibility for him these days.
âHowâd it go?â he greets you. He tries to keep his voice neutral â doesnât want to make it obvious how anxious heâs been for the last hour. âDid he do okay?â
âI guess we wonât really know until he either has a seizure or⌠doesnât,â you sigh. âHe did surprisingly well. But the damage that the Alzheimerâs has done to his brain is widespread. I doubt thereâs much reversing it. My goals are to reduce the severity and frequency of the seizures and to stop the damage from progressing any further.â
The two of you walk side by side back to the smelting plant, where Logan opens the door for you.
âSo that means that I might be staying here for quite some time.â
You ease past him through the small doorframe, your chest grazing against him ever so slightly. The familiar light scent of vanilla and honey lingers after youâre walking away.
Were you just smirking at him or is he hallucinating?
Scratch that, were you just flirting with him?
âI think I can find a way to be okay with that.â
He didnât expect you to go back to Colorado anytime too soon, given how much you packed â and the fact that your fucking Christmas tree sits in the common area â but he can't ignore that hearing you imply that you have no intention of leaving in the immediate future brings him more comfort than it probably should.
With your back turned to him as you open the refrigerator, heâs unable to see your expression, but he hears you hum in response â a sound somewhere between amusement and contentment.
âBut if I'm going to be staying here for any amount of time, the food situation is going to have to improve. How do you live like this?â
He sighs, remembering the current state of the fridge and cabinets. He ended up settling on an overripe banana for breakfast. He normally reserves grocery shopping for his off days â Mondays or Tuesdays â but those days had been occupied with traveling to and from Colorado this week.
âIâve got some errands to run today,â he starts, feeling an inkling of nervousness settle in the pit of his stomach. âGet some groceries and refills on Charlesâ medications⌠if you wanted to come with me.â
He tells himself that he invites you because it just makes sense â of course you need to familiarize yourself with the area that you're going to be living in, even if it's just temporary. It's important to know where the closest grocery store, and gas station, and pharmacy is.
And it also just makes sense that he would be the one who to show you around. Charles can't even go to the bathroom by himself and Caliban is allergic to the sun.
That's what he tells himself, anyway.
âI could be persuaded to go with you,â you drawl. âIfâŚâ You trail off, leaving Logan to look at you with a cocked brow.
âIf you let me ride in the backseat of your limousine?â
â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘
âWell? Was it everything you thought it would be?â
Logan sits directly across from you in a small booth at a mom-and-pop diner. Itâs nearly noon and you had yet to eat today, so Logan made the last minute decision to pull into the restaurantâs parking lot after acquiring Charlesâ medications.
âWhat?â you question as you swallow a mouthful of chocolate chip pancakes. It may not be breakfast time anymore, but he knew you would appreciate the fact that this place serves all day breakfast.
âBeing chauffeured around in a limousine.â
âFor some reason the limo smelled like a Christmas tree farm exploded in it,â you say nonchalantly. âBut the driver insisted on taking me out for all you can eat pancakes so Iâm still going to leave him a good review.â
âIâm sure he had a perfectly good reason for his limo smelling like that,â he retorts in mock defense. âBut he probably should try to take care of that before he goes back to work tonight,â he adds, making a mental note to pick up some air freshener at the store.
A cheeky grin spreads across your face. You look like youâre about give him some kind of smart remark when the waitress walks over to the booth with a steaming pot of coffee.
âGood to see you in here with someone for a change,â the older woman, who Logan knows is named Lucille without having to look at her name tag, remarks as she tops off both of your mugs. âDid you finally take my advice?â She asks Logan.
âEvery time he comes in here I tell him that he needs to get on one of those dating apps,â she says to you before he can answer.
You immediately cover your mouth to keep from spewing your coffee across the table.
Loganâs face heats up by ten degrees. He should have known better than to trust Lucille to be able to read the room.
âNo,â he snaps. âI have not downloaded Tinder. Or Bumble, or Hinge. Maybe you should give them a try and stop worrying about my love life.â
He shoos her away, but she just cackles and slaps him on the shoulder.
âHoney, Iâve been married for forty-five years.â
âOh yeah? Whereâs your ring?â He asks, nodding towards her naked ring finger.
âWeâre not allowed to wear jewelry on the clock, Nosey Nelly,â she jabs back. You sit silently, watching the interaction with pursed lips to keep from laughing.
âNosey Nelly,â Logan grumbles under his breath as he fishes his wallet out of his pants pocket. He pulls out his debit card and slaps it into her palm.
You finally release a snort of laughter when Lucille waddles away.
âI take it thatâs your best friend?â
âBelieve it or not, sheâs an improvement from Caliban.â
The two of you finish your meal with easy flowing conversation. You tell him what led you to Colorado, and about how you worked part time at a veterinarianâs office and part time at a bookstore. He tells you about some of the drunk, unhinged customers that he's had in his limousine lately.
Itâs easy for him to forget that less than forty-eight hours ago, he hadnât seen you in over a year.
Before your lives were irrevocably altered, you had been one of the closest friends he had ever had. One of the most important people in his life. Sitting across from you now, itâs too easy for him to remember why that was.
â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘
Loganâs reluctant to go to work tonight.
And itâs not just because he fucking hates his job and isnât in the mood to tolerate the bachelor party currently occupying his backseat.
To an extent, heâs always nervous to go to work. He works night shifts because Charles sleeps at night, and is therefore less likely to be triggered into a seizure during the nighttime hours. Itâs the safest time for Logan to be away.
It hasnât happened before, but that doesnât mean it couldnât. And with you now at the smelting plant, he worries about it happening while heâs away even more than he typically would.
He arrives at the strip club that the groom had requested he drive to and parks. They all drunkenly stagger out of the back of the vehicle, leaving Logan to relish in the silence after the door slams shut.
He pulls his phone from his coat pocket and sees that he has no messages.
Heâd told you to text him if you needed anything, so itâs a good thing that you havenât, right?
Itâs just before midnight, so you're most likely asleep. The lack of a text is probably not anything as drastic as the conclusions that his brain is jumping to.
Still, he can't stop his fingers as he types out a message and hits send.
Howâs the new bed?
After your brunch date â Lucille's words, not his â the two of you bought enough groceries to feed four people for a week and then went to the only furniture store in town to find you an upgrade from the fold out cot that they'd happened to have on hand when you arrived.
His phone dings just a minute later. He releases the breath heâd been holding before even reading your response.
Itâs a major improvement. You were right - not too soft, not too firm. Though it feels a whole lot bigger than it did in the store.
He reads over the text at least five times and thinks back to your time in the mattress store earlier that day.
The first couple mattresses you tested out were too soft, the next few too firm. Logan didnât mind that you were being indecisive â really. He was secretly relieved to have an excuse to spend more time with you, away from Caliban and Charles.
He laid down on a mattress that you hadnât checked out yet and instantly thought that it was significantly better than his personal mattress at the smelting plant.
âWhat about this one?â He asks, patting the empty space next to him on the queen sized bed. You walk over to the opposite side of the bed and crawl in beside him. With your arms down at your sides, one rests against his. The mattress is more than big enough for you, but with him next to you, itâs a cozy fit.
He types: Is that a good thing or a bad thing? and presses send before he can overthink it. His screen shows that you read the message right away, and he canât help but imagine the smirk on your face as you lay tucked beneath the covers.
The words âWhat do you think?â appear on his screen.
He thinks he feels like a fucking teenager with the way that a few harmless, borderline flirtatious text messages from you has him imagining what it would be like to really share the bed with you.
His jeans begin to feel uncomfortably tight. He clicks the phone off and tosses it in the empty passenger seat beside him, before he says something that crosses a line that he canât uncross.
â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘
The relief that your powers had provided Logan had been blissful but short-lived.
By the time he gets home from work at around four in the morning, his back pain has returned with a vengeance.
Everyone is asleep when he gets in, of course. He hobbles to his room as quietly as he can. Caliban and Charles are in the water tower, but he doesnât want to wake you up. He hopes that by the time that youâre both awake later today, the pain will have subsided in his sleep.
Two hours after he lies down, he realizes that sleeping it off is an impossibility with the amount of discomfort heâs in. Heâs done nothing but toss and turn in a futile attempt to find a comfortable sleeping position, the extra strength ibuprofen and his heating pad only doing so much to ease the stabbing sensation at the base of his spine.
He knows the answer to his problem is just down the hallway.
But it's early â the sun is just now starting to rise and he has yet to hear you stir from your room. He can't bring himself to wake you up over some back pain, knowing that you'll need to use your powers to help Charles soon.
He sits up with a deep groan, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. If he already can't sleep, he may as well make something to eat and settle the rumbling in his stomach.
Taking slow, short strides, he walks back down the hallway to the kitchen as quietly as he can manage.
He comes to a halt when he sees your door open, your head popping out from around the frame.
âCanât sleep?â You ask, your voice huskier than normal with sleep.
âHowâd you guess?â
You step into the hallway, still in a pair of plaid sleep pants and an oversized crewneck.
âYour bed creaks every time you move.â You cross your arms over your chest, standing less than half a foot away from him. Thereâs evident concern on your face when you take in his stiff posture. âThis place has thin walls.â
âSorry to keep you awake.â He looks down at the ground, embarrassed. âIâll stay in the living rooââ
âDonât be silly,â you stop him. You grab his hand in yours and begin to pull him back in the direction of his bedroom.
He thinks about protesting â part of him wants to tell you that you shouldnât bother. He thinks he should tell you that he appreciates it, but heâs a lost cause, and the relief will only be temporary.
But your hand is too warm and your skin is too soft and in the end, he isnât strong enough to deny himself the feeling of your touch, so he letâs you lead the way to his bed.
You drop his hand to position yourself on one side of the bed. You donât get underneath the comforter, but you do pull it back on his side so that he can crawl beneath it.
His isnât quite as big as your new bed â itâs only a full size mattress, so itâs even more cramped than when the two of you laid on the mattress in the store yesterday, but he isnât complaining.
It's unchartered territory for you two, this type of intimacy. He doesnât remember the last time he shared a bed with anyone, but if thereâs one person on the planet that he trusts enough to allow next to him in such a vulnerable state, itâs you.
âLay however is most comfortable for you,â you instruct him gently.
He maneuvers onto his side, facing you. You copy his position, your faces inches away from each otherâs on a shared pillow.
âNow close your eyes,â you whisper.
He does as you ask, and then feels your palm rest against the thick stubble of his jaw. Your thumb grazes across the skin of his cheekbone. He melts into your touch before youâve even started using your powers.
âIs this okay?â you murmur.
âMm-hmm,â he sighs against your hand. âCould just lay like this for a while and Iâd probably fall asleep. Donât even need to use your powers.â
You snort and run the tips of your fingers through his beard.
âHow about I do both? That okay?â
He nods, too tired to think about stopping you.
He falls asleep to the soft hum of your powers within minutes, and dreams of the color purple.
â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘
Over the next few weeks, everyone falls into a comfortable routine.
You continue to work with Charles for an hour in the mornings and then again in the evenings. Your powers help him more than Logan ever could have hoped for. Not only is this the longest heâs gone without having a seizure in months, but heâs also increasingly lucid and alert, and more like his old, spunky self than ever.
Most weeknights you cook dinner for everyone, and Tuesdays become the day that you join Logan in going to town for a weekly grocery restock and brunch at the same diner that he first took you to a few weeks ago.
He tries not to make it too obvious, but it quickly becomes one of the best parts of his week â even with Lucilleâs relentless teasing about how thereâs âno way youâre just friendsâ and Logan would be âthe biggest idiot on the planet to not lock you downâ.
Neither of you ever put much energy into disagreeing with her.
The other best parts of his week occur early in the mornings, before daylight breaks and Charles and Caliban are still sound asleep. He gets home from work and you move from your bed and into his, relieving him of any physical discomfort he could be experiencing from hours of driving around and lulling him to sleep.
The first few nights, heâd wake hours later to find that you had escaped back to your own room after heâd fallen asleep. Then, one morning, when he woke up, he opened his eyes to find your face resting against his shoulder.
You stopped bothering to go back to your own room after that.
This evening â Christmas eve â Logan sits on his bed and stares at the gift that heâd gotten you while you finish preparing the dinner that youâd been working on for the last few hours.
He feels silly. There hadnât been any discussion on getting each other gifts and he worries that itâll make you feel weird.
Itâs an espresso machine â nothing too fancy, but itâll get the job done. You had recently mentioned how much you miss the espresso machine that you had in Colorado. The house you had been renting came furnished, which included an espresso machine that you were unable to bring with you to Mexico.
He stopped by a Target before work a couple nights ago and picked it out. To top off how silly he feels, heâd completely forgotten to buy wrapping paper or even a gift bag, so heâll just be handing it to you as is.
âDinner is almost ready!â He hears your voice call from the kitchen.
The smell of honey glazed ham and fresh rolls wafts down the hallway. He places the box containing the espresso machine on the floor beside his bed, planning to give it to you after Charles and Caliban go to bed in a few hours.
When he rejoins everyone in the common area, Charles is watching Home Alone and Caliban is gathering plates and silverware for everyone while you remove a large dish of baked mac and cheese from the oven.
âSmells great,â Logan compliments as he grabs a beer out of the fridge. âAnything I can help with?â he asks, as if you hadnât all but shooed him out of the kitchen just an hour ago.
You place the casserole dish on a trivet before grabbing one of the plates that Caliban had set out.
âYes, actually,â you say, surprising him. You hand him the plate with a small smirk. âYou can make Charles a plate.â
âOh, can I?â He takes a step closer to you, taking the plate and grinning down at you. âAre you sure you trust me to do that?â
âHey, itâs not my fault that youâve been alive two hundred years and havenât taken the time to learn to cook.â
âWell, I guess I'll just have to have you teach me-"
âWould you two stop flirting and get me some ham?â Charles voice booms over the television and silences you both.
Logan notices you purse your lips to keep from smiling as you turn your attention back to the spread of food across the dining room table.
Soon, youâre all four sat around the dining room table with plates piled high with traditional holiday dishes. Logan is halfway through clearing his plate when Charles clears his throat to speak.
âThis is wonderful,â he directs at you. âThank you very much. You know, this all feels very familiar to meâŚâ he trails off, glancing between you and Logan from across the table. The smile on his face fades, and in itâs place appears an expression of confusion.
From the corner of his eye, Logan sees your grip on your fork tighten.
âThank you, Charles,â you tell him. You try to sound cheerful, but Logan doesnât miss the nervous edge to your voice. He knows that youâre noticing the same thing as him. âIâm glad youâre enjoying it.â
âYes, these candied sweet potatoes are delicious,â Caliban interjects in an obvious attempt to maintain easy conversation. âYou'll have to give me your recââ
âThis feels so familiar,â Charles repeats and all three of you go silent.
In his gut, Logan fears that he knows what is coming. It always starts this way. One minute, everything will be perfect. The next, something triggers a memory, or a feeling, and Charles is hit with the weight of the past â with the weight of the trauma that his brain normally blocks out.
âThis feels like⌠how Christmas used to feel. When weâd have dinner at the.. at the mansion. With all of our friends before I.. before I killed themââ
âCharles,â Logan says firmly, but Charles continues to stare into space. âIt wasn't your fault. Okay? Let's enjoy this nice dinner. Do you want some more green beansââ
But heâs unable to finish his sentence before it begins. The exact thing heâs been the most terrified of since you arrived here weeks ago.
Across from him, Caliban's face is frozen in agony. Beside him, your mouth is open as if to scream, but no sound comes out. Every one around him is still, and his body suddenly feels a few hundred pounds heavier.
It's been weeks since Charlesâ last seizure, but Logan knew it was too good to be true â knew that it was bound to happen again eventually. He'd planned for this, knowing the effects of the psionic energy would hurt you as they do Caliban.
Logan forces himself into a standing position by pushing off of the dining room table, and then takes as big of steps as he possibly can to get to the opposite side, where Caliban and Charles sit.
He ignores the blinding nerve pain all over his body, he ignores the intense ringing in his ears, he ignores the way it feels as if all of the air has been ripped from his lungs and reaches down to grab the bag of medication from the compartment beneath Charlesâ wheelchair â where he's made sure to keep it, in case of this exact scenario.
Despite his shaking hands, he manages to retrieve an injection and uncap it. He jabs the tip of the needle into the flesh of Charlesâ shoulder with as much force as he can muster, then collapses to the floor beside him.
Charles releases a grief stricken groan, realizing what had happened. Logan hears both you and Caliban gasping for air.
âI'm sorry,â Charles cries. âI'm so sorry..â
Logan pulls himself off of the ground using the edge of the table and instantly turns his attention to you. Your eyes are wide and your hands are visibly shaking in your lap, but you exhale the breath you'd been holding when your eyes meet Logan's.
You push your chair back, standing and closing the distance between the two of you. Your hands grip the tops of Logan's biceps. He instinctively rests his on the sides of your stomach.
âAre you okay?â You ask, your voice wobbly and several octaves higher than normal.
âI'm fine,â he assures you delicately. âAre you okay?â
You nod, hesitantly at first and then more confidently as you take him in and seem to realize that he really is alright.
âI'm fine too,â Caliban grunts from across the table. âDonât worry yourselves with me.â
Logan and you both quickly retract your hands, breaking the embrace. You turn your attention to Charles, who seems to be in another world.
âCharles? Are you alright?â You ask him softly.
âHm?â He hums as he glances up at you. âOh, yes. Iâm alright. I think.. I think Iâd like to go to bed now,â he murmurs. Logan, you, and Caliban all exchange glances before Logan tosses the bag of medication to Caliban.
âGive him a double dose of the suppressants and some sleep medicine,â Logan instructs him. Caliban nods wordlessly and wheels Charles away from the dining room table, towards the smelting plantâs door.
Once theyâve left the building, Logan turns to you. You look visibly shaken, and he canât blame you. He remembers all too well how frightening the effects of the seizure was the first time he experienced it. Even with this one being relatively short lived, he knows it had to have been more painful and scary for you than it was for him.
âIâll clean all of this up, okay?â He says, gesturing towards the half eaten dinners and the pile of dirty dishes in the sink. âYou go relax. Take a shower, lay down for a whileââ
âReally, Logan. I'm okay, I promââ
âWill you do that for me?â
To his surprise, you don't object any further. You give him a small nod, and a comforting squeeze to his hand as you walk past him.
He doesn't release the sigh of both relief and frustration that heâd been holding in until he hears the shower turn on a few moments later.
â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘
As soon as Logan finishes tidying up from dinner, he cuts two small slices of an apple pie you had baked and puts them on a plate for the two of you to share.
Your door is slightly cracked, the soft orange light from your table lamp spilling into the hallway. He knocks quietly and waits for you to tell him to come in.
Youâre in your pajamas, tucked under a blanket with a book partially obscuring your face. You do little to acknowledge his presence, so he takes a seat on the edge of your bed and places the plate of pie beside him.
The room looks significantly different than it did just a few weeks ago. In addition to the new bed, you'd also acquired a vintage dresser and an area rug that youâd found for cheap at a thrift store. You have books in piles throughout the room, one of the things that you were most adamant about bringing with you from Colorado.
âCharles is alright,â he tells you gently. âHe must have just been really tired. He didnât nap much today. Caliban said he fell asleep really quickly after taking his medicine.â
âExcept that wasnât why he had a seizure,â you sigh, closing your book. Logan now has a better view of your face, and the first thing he notices is that your eyes look red-rimmed and watery. You sit up straight, and he inches closer to you on the bed.
âHey, whatâs goingââ
âIt was definitely my fault that he had a seizure,â you sniffle, looking at him with defeat.
âWhat? No,â Logan shakes his head. You have a blanket draped across your lap, but Logan places his hand on your knee over top of it. âWhat makes you say that?â
âI always work with Charles for an hour in the mornings and an hour in the afternoons,â you start, frustration evident in your voice. âBut this afternoon, I cut our session short because he wasnât really in the best mood and I wanted to get started on prep for dinner.â
You wipe underneath your eye with the sleeve of your shirt and look away from Loganâs gaze.
âSweetheart, you canât blame yourself for this,â he assures you as he rubs slow circles on your knee with his thumb. âHe was having seizures almost every single day before you got here. Youâre not the reason he had a seizure today. But you are the reason heâs been able to go weeks without having one.â
âOkay?â He prompts when you donât respond. You finally look him in the eye again, and offer a small nod of agreement.
He hands you the plate of apple pie, earning a small smile from you.
âWait here. Iâve got something for you,â he tells you as he stands up and begins walking towards your door.
âSomething for me?â you question, but heâs already halfway down the hallway.
He grabs the espresso machine from beside his bed and heads back to your room. He still feels nervous to give it to you, but right now heâs just hoping that it will help cheer you up.
When he re-enters your room, youâre forking a bite of pie into your mouth and freeze when you see what heâs carrying. He sits back down on the edge of the bed, still holding the box. You sit the plate of pie on your bedside table and scoot closer to him.
âLogan, you didnât have to,â you murmur. He hands you the box and you hug it to your chest, but only look at him. He thinks your eyes are starting to look watery again. âI feel so bad. I didnât get you anythingââ
He waves his hand in dismissal, not surprised at all by your reaction.
âI know I didnât have to. Just wanted to. Is that okay?â
You inspect the espresso machine with a bashful grin. âThank you. I love it,â you assure him with a gentle squeeze to his hand. âI just wish I had gotten you something, too.â
âThatâs not necessary,â he says, staring down at where your hand holds his. âYou give me everything I need just by being here.â
You go still at his words with a look he canât quite read on your face. You pull your hand away from his before placing the espresso box on the floor next to your bed. The hand that previously held his comes to cradle his face, your thumb grazing along his cheekbone. He turns his head ever so slightly to the side so that his lips graze against your palm. He kisses the skin once, then twice, and your eyes flutter closed.
His heightened senses donât miss the way your heart rate picks up, or the way that you hold your breath as his lips linger on your skin.
âWhat are you thinking about?â He murmurs into the side of your hand. You open your eyes, your pupils dilated.
âSame thing Iâve been thinking about for years now,â you whisper as you lean forward, pulling his face to you.
You capture his lips in yours, opening up for him without hesitation. He slips his tongue into your mouth, the sensation simultaneously feeling brand new and like youâve done this dance a hundred times before.
He scoots further back onto the mattress, away from the edge. He pulls you with him, guiding you onto his lap. You straddle him, his hands resting on your lower back. You fist your hands around the fabric of his flannel, pulling him flush against you.
It's years of pent up desire and longing that you pour into each other. You drag your teeth along the swell of his bottom lip and he groans into your mouth, resisting the urge to buck his hips up against your center.
He knew you looked sweet, smelled sweet â but never would he have guessed that youâd taste even sweeter. Even if it werenât for the faint hint of cinnamon and apples from the pie youâd nibbled on, heâd think you were the sweetest thing heâs ever tasted.
You grind down against the uncomfortable bulge contained by his jeans and whimper â the prettiest sound heâs ever fucking heard and he hasnât even touched you yet. You pull back, your chest heaving from lack of air.
âWhy didnât we do that years ago?â you ask breathlessly. He reaches up to your face, tucking some stray hairs behind your ear.
âBecause Iâm a fucking idiot,â he answers quickly. His eyes lock on your kiss swollen lips and he thinks youâve never looked prettier than you do right now â staring down at him with puffy lips wet with his kiss. âBut now that Iâve kissed you, Iâm not gonna stop. Gonna kiss you for as long as youâll let me.â
And to prove his point, he starts trailing wet, open mouth kisses along your jaw and down your throat. You throw your head back, giving him unhindered access to the skin of your neck. He alternates between kissing and nipping the tender flesh, leaving a damp trail across your skin.
You grab at the hem of your shirt and Logan pulls away to allow you to tug it over your head. Youâre left naked from the waist up and Logan is left feeling like his cock is going to break through the zipper of his jeans.
With your tits directly in front of his face, he latches his mouth to one nipple and palms the other in his hand. You rock yourself against his erection, chasing the relief that the friction provides you.
âLogan,â you pant from above him. âPleaseââ
He pulls his mouth away from you with a wet pop, leaving your nipple glistening and taut.
âTell me what you want, honey.â
You let out a low whimper at the pet name and drag your fingers through his hair. He toys with the waistband of your pajamas pants, popping the elastic band lightly against your skin.
âYour mouth,â you say, the words somewhere between a whine and a plea. âI wanna feel your mouth on me.â
He groans at the bluntness of your words. Hearing you say that you want his mouth on you has his cock throbbing in his pants.
âYeah?â He taunts as he maneuvers you off of his lap. He quickly tugs his own shirt over his head and tosses it somewhere behind him. Your eyes trail down the expanse of his chest, your mouth slightly agape.
He tilts your head so that youâre looking at his face again and tugs at your bottom lip with the pad of his thumb.
In that moment, he hopes you never stop looking at him like that.
âYou gonna sit on my face?â
You nod, eagerly. You push your pajama pants down past your ass and thighs, and Logan helps pull them the rest of the way over your calves and ankles. You lean forward, reaching for the waistline of his jeans and fumbling with the button until it pops open.
He sees you completely naked before him and his brain goes momentarily blank. He canât believe he actually gets to see you like this â bare for him and more perfect than he ever could have envisioned.
And believe him, he had tried. Nothing could have prepared him for how it actually feels to see you, touch you, taste you after years of yearning for you.
âLay down for me?â You ask with a small laugh, snapping him out of his trance. He does as you ask, placing his head on one of your pillows.
You straddle his chest, your back to his face. He helps you inch backwards until your pussy hovers directly over his mouth. He pauses for a moment, spreading your thighs apart with his hands to give him a clear view of your already dripping cunt before yanking you the rest of the way down to his mouth.
You moan as soon as his tongue slides through your wet folds, bracing your hands on the defined planes of his chest. The sweet and salty tang of you fills his mouth and he has to resist moaning goddamn, I love you into your cunt.
He could get drunk off of the flavor of you.
You grind yourself against his face, your juices coating his beard and your inner thighs. Heâs so focused on working you with his lips and tongue that he doesnât even notice you pushing his jeans and boxers down until he feels his cock spring back and slap his lower belly.
âFuck,â you moan at the sight of him. You pump him in your hand, smearing the pre-cum from his slit down his shaft. âYou're so big. I donât know how youâll fit inside me.â
He hears you spit, then feels it drip across his tip. You smear the warm wetness down his length and press a kiss to the side of his cock before taking him in your mouth. The head nudges against the back of his throat before you pull back, then ease back in, slow and deep.
Heâs always loved your lips, but right now heâs doesnât think he could ever love them more. He wants to watch as you hollow your cheeks and bob your head along his length, but thatâs going to have to wait for another time.
Right now, heâs right where he wants to be. He has your swollen clit locked between his lips, sucking on it to the point that your legs quiver around his head. You lean forward, pressing your chest against his stomach as you run your tongue down the entirety of his cock and stroke him in your hand.
âIâve waited so long to taste you,â he grunts from beneath you. The vibrations of his voice making your pussy clench around the finger that he teases your hole. âThis cuntâs so fuckinâ sweet.â
He eases his index finger past your entrance, your walls constricting around the digit. âAnd so fuckinâ tight,â he adds, pumping in and out of you as you begin to move forwards, then backwards, up, and then down â grinding against his finger.
âLogan, I'm gonna cum,â you cry and it makes his balls tighten. He feels it â the way you gush around his finger and the way your legs clench around his head.
You ride out your orgasm above him, and then collapses against his chest. Your skin is sticky with sweat against his, despite the fact that the current cold front has the smelting plant colder than normal tonight.
You roll off of him, falling onto the mattress next to him. Your slick glistens on your thighs in the soft glow of your lamplight. It's one of the most beautiful things he's ever seen, he thinks. You fucked out and delirious from your climax.
But he thinks he might fucking die if he has to spend one more second of his abnormally long life not knowing how it feels to be buried inside you.
He helps pull you into a sitting position, and then lays you down in his place. Your tits heave as you try to regain control of your breathing. He's on his knees, fisting himself in his hand as he nudges your knees open. Your eyes are locked on his cock, a look of half excitement and half terror.
âYou can take it, honey. I know you can,â he coos.
He slaps the tip against your clit, then glides it up and down your wet length. Not entering you quite yet, but coating himself in your slick. He looks down at himself next to your pretty, wet cunt and imagines how itâll be to see it sliding in and out of you.
âJust been a while, thatâs all,â you say, pulling him down to the by the back of the neck. He lines himself up at your entrance, nudging just the tip in. Even thatâs a stretch for you, he can tell by the way your mouth forms an O shape.
He goes still for a moment â for your sake, but for his own, as well. He has to adjust to the warm tightness of your pussy before he trusts himself to go any deeper.
âI know, baby. Been a while for me too. Been waiting for you for a long time.â
He slates his lips over yours, kissing you messy and deep as he slowly sheaths himself inside you. He stills again once heâs buried to the hilt, and breaks the kiss to look down at you.
âYou okay?â He murmurs. He props himself up on one forearm by your head, and brings his free hand to roll one of your nipples between his thumb and forefinger.
You give him another eager nod, and wrap your legs securely around his hips, hooking your ankles together just below his ass.
âMm-hmm,â you sigh. âNeed you to move now, Logan.â
With his cock throbbing inside you, he doesnât make you tell him twice. His length drags along the soft, spongy interior of your walls as he pulls out and eases back in. He gives you a few languid, slow strokes to accommodate the newfound stretch before it's hard for him to hold back.
He gets lost in it all â in the wet, tight heat of your cunt, in the sounds that your bodies make as he repeatedly snaps into you, in every expression on your face and every noise that slips past your lips.
You snake your arms around his abdomen, your hands coming to rest on his lower back.
âH-howâs your back?â You stammer out as he continues to piston his hips forward.
âI've never been better,â Logan grunts, resting his sweat slicked forehead against yours.
It's the truth. Heâs never felt better than he does right now, between your legs â even if he is feeling this in his back. He'll deal with any and all repercussions later, once he's felt you cum around his cock while you cry his name.
You smile up at him as if to say wanna bet?
You flatten your hands across his skin at the base of his spine, and he doesnât have to be able to see it to know what you're doing. He's experienced the effects of your powers enough by now to recognize them instantly â the low vibration they emit and the immediate warmth that spreads throughout his body.
âGonna make me cum, honey,â he warns you. âFeels too good.â He feels your walls constrict around him when he calls you honey.
âKiss me and Iâll cum with you,â you tell him in a breathy voice that he could listen to talk in all fucking night.
He kisses you again, this time more hurried than anytime before as he chases both of your releases. He spills into you with a deep groan as your cunt spasms around him. You moan his name into his mouth until he stills inside you, the last ropes of his cum filling you up.
He isnât sure how long the two of you stay like that â with him still tucked inside you, laying pressed against you with his face nuzzling the crook of your neck. You trail your fingers up and down his spine, the sensation the only thing grounding him to reality in his post orgasm haze.
Finally, he pulls back enough to look down at you.
âStay here,â he says earnestly. âStay with me. Don't go back to Colorado. One day, weâll go anywhere you want to. Just the two of us. But right now, please stayââ
âLogan,â you shush him gently. âI wasnât planning on going back to Colorado. Or anywhere without you.â
He exhales, and kisses you on the forehead before finally pulling out of you and plopping down beside you. He tucks you between his chest and his arm, your head resting just above his heart.
âYou know, this new bed of yours is a whole lot comfier than mine,â he comments casually.
âHmm,â you hum and tilt your head to look up at him. âYou should probably sleep here tonight. For your back, of course.â
He laughs, sleep threatening to overtake him at any second. He presses a lazy kiss to your forehead.
âI'm not going anywhere without you, honey.â
â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘â˘
some of my other logan works
diet pepsi - old man logan x reader limousine sex
by the end of the night - worst variant logan has nightmares and mutant reader with emotional regulation abilities helps him sleep better
claw kink drabble
thank you so much for reading đŤśđť
#logan howlett x reader#logan x reader#logan howlett#logan howlett x you#logan x you#logan howlett oneshot#logan howlett smut#logan howlett fanfiction#logan howlett one-shot#logan howlett one shot#old man!logan x reader#old man!logan#logan#logan 2017#logan howlett x y/n#logan howlett x fem!reader#xmen#x-men#the wolverine#wolverine x reader#the wolverine x reader#wolverine x you#the wolverine x you#wolverine smut
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Batfam au angst :) also leading into (platonic) yandere batfam
What if Jason wasn't the first kid to die :)
And what if Damian wasn't Bruce's only biological kid :)
Au idea I'm simple terms: what if Bruce had a daughter in his early years of batman, who went missing and dead, but then years later reappeared and was found again, Bruce and the others won't make the same mistake twice.
Author's note before reading: Please keep in mind I'm new to this fandom, so I don't know much about what's canon. I simply get creative ideas really easily and have decided to share them.
If anyone else likes this idea, feel free to rewrite or add onto the concept, if you do please tag me I'd love to see what others do with this concept
I'm picturing reader to be the same age as or potentially slightly younger than Damian, but no specific ages are mentioned
Damian POV:
It was a day like any other, awful, Damian had to go to school. He didn't hate school, just the people there, loud, annoying, nosy.
He went about his day the same as always, reading in class and working on his work, until suddenly the principle came to class abruptly saying they had a new student, which the teacher promptly assigned to sit next to Damian. Great.
The teacher also informed him that he would be the one to show this new student around. So Damian braced himself for the extra annoying questions about him and his family, after all that's what people always want to know.
But to his suprised? This girl didn't care about any of that, simply asking questions about the class and school. She didn't even ask if he was really a Wayne, she looked a bit suprised but it wasn't the usual suprise most people had, and she didn't ask him any questions about it so it didn't matter.
As he showed her around he found out that they had the same classes, he heard her sigh of relief, but when questioned she said she was glad because it ment she wouldn't be alone in any of her classes and she'd have someone to turn to.
As the day went on they would go to class and work on classwork, it seems his new classmate was a lot smarter than the rest of them and he didn't have to constantly help her with work.
At the end of the day he made a mental note of a new acquaintance.
Later that day
"Ah, Master Damian, welcome back. How was your day at school?" Alfred asked, greeting the young boy
"It was alright Pennyworth, we had a transfer student today, but she seemed to be quite intelligent unlike the rest of those peasants" Damian replied
"Oh? A transfer student? In the middle of the school year? How odd."
"Yeah, I'll keep an eye out for any suspicious behavior, but there wasn't anything out of the ordinary, her name is Y/n." Damian said, but after saying her name he noticed Alfred looked pale
"Pennyworth? Are you feeling ill? Do I need to inform father?" Damian asked
"No no, I'm quite alright, it's just, I... used to know someone with that name, so I was suprised to hear it. That's all." Alfred replied, but he still looked pale
"If you say so. I'm going to head to my room and work on schoolwork before it's time for patrol" Damian said, and he was gone without another word
Alfred's POV:
'Calm yourself Alfred. It's a normal name that anyone could have, besides, it's been 20 years. Even if it was her she wouldn't be part of the young masters class. Still... I should inform Master Bruce, incase he mentions this classmate' Alfred thinks to himself before heading to the batcave.
There he finds both Bruce and Tim, working on the computer, searching for sightings of criminal activity, recently rumors of a new villain with unknown powers had started to arise, so it was the batman's job to keep Gotham safe
"Ahem, apologies for interrupting, but I need to borrow Master Bruce for a moment" Alfred says
"Did something happen Alfred?" Bruce asks
"No, not necessarily, it's nothing serious but we need to talk" Alfred replies
Bruce gets up and follows Alfred out of the room
"What is it Alfred? You look like you've seen a ghost." Bruce states
"Apologies Sir, as I said, it's nothing serious, however Damian informed me of a new classmate at school today" Alfred starts
"In the middle of the year?" Bruce comments
"That's what I said, however that isn't the point, I simply wanted to let you know before hand, incase the young master mentions this classmate infront of you.." Alfred pauses
"That's it? Why would you need to inform me of that" Bruce asks confused
"Well you see. He said that her name was... Y/n" Alfred states, and Bruce becomes just as pale as he is
"I see.... did Damian tell you anything else about this.... classmate?" Bruce asks
"No, he did not. But simply stated he'd keep an eye out for anything suspicious." Alfred said
"I understand." Bruce said with a deep sigh
"Are you alright Master Bruce? I know it's been a long time but-"
"I'm fine Alfred. I just... I'm fine. I need to head back to work now, we still don't know what this new villain is capable of, or what they're after." Bruce says, turning away
"Alright sir, if you insist. Please take care of yourself."
Alfred says, but he knows how Bruce is
The patrol went on as normal, and so did school. Nothing particularly interesting happened it was a week like any other, Damian and y/n would work on schoolwork together during breaks, since y/n joined late she had a lot of work to catch up on but she didn't have much trouble and Damian helped her when she did. The two had even become friends, turns out they had a lot in common, and some classmates tried to joke about how they were like siblings, but the two didn't mind. The jokes did make Damian aware of how... familiar y/n looked. He pondered the idea of her being a child from a one night stand, but the timelines didn't match up so he brushed the thought away, thinking it was a coincidence that she looked so much like Bruce. But nothing out of the ordinary happened of note, not until one fateful patrol where Damian made a discovery
Y/n POV:
Y/n didn't know where to go after waking up again, it was clear so many things have changed, and her dad taught her well. She needed more information before she made any decisions.
Unfortunately this ment she had no place to stay. After all, she couldn't go to an orphanage, she wasn't an orphan and she didn't have any documents or a story on where she came from. She knew better than to go to the police, what would she even say to them? So here she was. Sitting under a bridge hoping she won't get sick. But she was strong, she'd do what she'd have to in order to understand the situation better. Even if that means sleeping under a bridge like a troll, even if it means only eating the food provided by the school, even if it means-
"Hello there. Are you alright?" A voice asked making her jump
She turns to see, some sort of vigilante. She had heard in passing about how her dad Batman wasn't the only vigilante in Gotham anymore, so she figured it was one of them
"Oh um, I'm alright" she replied, she hadn't planned to meet any of them, she knew she might meet batman, which she kind of hoped for because then she could get some answers, but this was new territory this was- wait a minute why does he kind of look like Damian?
"Are you sure? Your sitting underneath a bridge at night, kids shouldn't be out here like this you could get hurt. Or worse. Why aren't you with your parents?" The vigilante (Damian) said, after recognizing his classmate, assessing the situation
"It's... complicated" y/n replies, before wondering how much she should tell him "I... can't really talk about it, but I can't go back home.. not yet at least, and I don't have anywhere else to go, so I've just been here" she states, hoping she didn't say to much
The vigilante just stays there for a moment, not saying anything, and she wonders if she said to much or if he thinks she's a criminal
"I see. In any case, you shouldn't be out here alone, the streets of Gotham aren't safe, however if you insist on staying out here may I suggest somewhere that isn't so easily spotted? You wouldn't want to be attacked. I know a few places that are safer than.. this" The vigilante says offering a hand
"Oh, uhm" y/n thinks for a moment, weighing her options "I'll take you up on that offer, it's not great down here" y/n replies, taking his hand
The two go to a more remote, slightly cleaner area
"Here we are, even if it's temporary this would be a better place for a shelter than where you were before. I don't know what's going on, but if you need assistance, im willing to help" the vigilante replies
"Thank you, you've really been more than enough help and I appreciate it a lot. If I need anything il let you know....."
"... Robin. My name is Robin." Robin says, noticing her pause
"Robin... thank you for the help, good luck with the rest of your patrol" y/n says
"Of course, you be careful now, always keep an eye out." Robin says, before leaving
'Phew.... he's gone. That was definitely him, and he definitely recognized me. Now what. He didn't say anything so they're definitely still doing the secret identity thing. I guess I'll just have to play it cool and hope he doesn't say anything at school. If any of the teachers find out I'm definitely gonna get investigated and then my whole plan will be thrown out the window.' Y/n thinks to herself 'Maybe this is a good thing, if he's Robin, it's likely that dad's still Batman too, which means I might run into him. What if he doesn't recognized me? What if he does recognize me?? What if- what if he didn't miss me.... no, no! This is dad, of course he missed me but it's been... so long... what do I do if he doesn't want me back...' y/n starts to worry about before she falls to the floor and starts to cry
Which, unbeknownst to her, Damian saw, he doesn't know why she's crying or why it makes him feel so... protective but he knows somethings up, so he goes off and reports what he knows to Batman
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aaaaand cliffhanger! Mwahahahaha
I would have kept going, and I know exactly what's coming next, but I've been typing for awhile and I have no idea how long this post is, and I don't want it to be too long
So I'm stopping it there,
This wasn't supposed to be this much but my creative brain decided to run with this idea, so there's gonna be a part 2 soon
Also I've decided to call this au
Batman Dead Daughter Au
Because.... idk what else to call it and if I'm gonna make a part 2 and potentially more depending on how this goes, I'm gonna need something to refer to it with.
As I said before, I'm extremely new to the batman stuff
Pretty much all of my knowledge comes from youtube and tumblr, so bare with me if things are out of character
I've also never written fanfiction before, it's always just been in my head, so the writing is probably a bit funny
Yes I'm a writer in the making but I haven't actually gotten to the writing part
And fanfiction is a bit different
Hope yall like the concept tho
Again, feel free to write your own version of this if you want to, just tag me so I can read it too lol
#batfam x reader#batman#damian wayne#yandere batman x reader#yandere batfam#yandere damian wayne#Batman Dead Daughter Au
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Piper is the only character that should have gotten to punch Leo and it should have been exactly like this. Brief moment of shock followed by strong emotional reaction and then clinging to him desperately and making it so so clear that she loves him (I also love the detail of Jason holding her back a little bit)
Leo made her carry the fake physicianâs cure and made her think it was her responsibility to save him or Jason but also that he trusted her with it. I think figuring out he didnât tell her the truth (and her spending months thinking thatâs what killed him) warrants a pretty strong emotional reaction. Add to that the context that sheâs used to waiting for people who never come back⌠yeah, I think thatâs understandable.
That is so fundamentally different from two whole camps of people who barely know Leo lining up to hit him for⌠what reason exactly? Iâm still not sure?
nobody wants to hear me out on this but this is how both the Leo return in ToA AND the Percabeth reunion in MoA should have gone... đŤŁđŤŁ
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#I hope this reads properly in the fic but I see the whole âangry pounding fist on chestâ thing to be more like#deperate and devastated and not even that hard of a hit. and mostly used as punctuation to the words which are more vulnerable and less....#mean. I mean rlly why did ppl line up to hit leo in such an unfunny and mean way in canon... pls act like u missed him??#I also take this as like. testing to make sure hes not a mirage. which I think was also underutilized in those scenes#<prev tags agree agree agree#The only person I can forgive for the punching Leo nonsense is Harley because like. Heâs eight#what was everyone else doing tho. Why was there a joke about someone who didnât even know him getting in line to punch him twice#This was wildly unfunny as a canon scene as-is and is made even worse knowing leoâs history of being abused#also anytime someone suggests Jason should have gotten to punch him it makes me want to tear my hair out#Piper might have done it. But *only* in a context like this and if she was the only one doing it#But there is no universe where I can see Jason punching Leo#Anyway sorry for the tag rambles. Absolutely cannot wait to read this fic because everything Iâve seen from it has made me wildly ill
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Condition.
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summary: Soldat refuses to sit down, you notice he's in pain.
warnings: Post!HYDRA Winter Soldier | Post!HTP | Post!SA | Descriptions of SA | PTSD symptoms | Brief flashbacks of SA | Non sexual nudity | Swearing | Descriptions of physical injury and sexual punishments
a/n: I saw someone caught one of the things I wrote earlier in hcs and I knew at some point I was going to delve deeper into it. So that's the push I needed. This one is potentially triggering thus no tags have been added to this post. Unedited; I have so may wips rn, I will check for mistakes later. ;; wc: 4.4k
You weren't too sure what the problem was.
Soldat didn't like to sit down. You thought maybe it was because he felt like he had to be on guard at all times, fresh out of HYDRA and paranoid the agents would somehow find his whereabouts, then forcibly break down your door and tear him away from your apartment that he deemed safe enough.
You noticed a pattern in Soldat's actions whenever he did reluctantly lower himself into a seated position. With each attempt, you saw a subtle but unmistakable wince or a barely audible hiss escaping through his clenched teeth, betraying his discomfort. These seated interludes were invariably brief, lasting a few seconds before he would abruptly rise to his feet once more.
The simple act of lowering himself onto a chair seemed to require an immense effort, though he tried desperately to conceal his discomfort behind a façade of indifference. The careful dance of pain that displayed anytime he attempted to lower himself down on the ground, or apply any pressure at all to his backside, shot up his spine and made him think twice.
On occasion, you noticed him favoring one side of his body as he sat, shifting his weight in what appeared to be an attempt to alleviate some hidden source of pain. But, more often than not, Soldat opted to forgo sitting entirely, preferring to maintain a standing posture that allowed for a quick reaction to any perceived threat.
It had only been a few days.
He maintained his resolute silence, stubbornly refusing to utter a single word. The only exception had been a barely audible thank you in Russian after you had carefully and gently bathed him. His demeanor remained guarded and defensive, occasionally punctuated by sharp, guttural exclamations of 'ĐĐľŃ' whenever you approached too closely. His words were replaced by growling and baring his teeth as if that were somehow off putting enough. He reacted as though you posed an imminent threat, despite your efforts to appear non-threatening and helpful.
You couldnât really blame him, at the end of the day. His body bore the signs of telltale abuse and mistreatment for god knows how long.
As the days slowly passed, you grew increasingly concerned about his deteriorating condition. The pain etched across his features seemed to intensify with each passing hour, and you really wanted to confront him about his condition. He stayed in the spare room, his weary frame silhouetted against the window and sheer curtains guarding the glass. His eyes were heavy with exhaustion but remained vigilant, constantly scanning the darkened streets below.
Sleep had become a luxury he could ill afford, severe conditioning and sleep deprivation made it almost impossible for him to fall asleep naturally unless he completely collapsed from exhaustion. His paranoia and discomfort didnât help his need to rest. The toll of his sleepless nights was clearly visible in the dark circles under his eyes and the slight tremor in his hand as he maintained his ceaseless vigil.
"Soldat..." You spoke gently, not wanting to startle him. Despite your cautious approach, your tone didn't have the desired effect. He still flinched visibly when you called his name, his body tensing as if bracing for impact. He turned to face you, his movements stiff and guarded, his eyes wary as the soldier watched you.
"It's okay, I just came to see you," you reassured him, your voice soft and soothing. You paused for a brief moment, allowing your words to sink in, before continuing with soft concern, "Are you doing okay? Are you in any pain?" As you spoke, you took a tentative step into the room, slow and deliberate to avoid frightening him further.
Soldat's reaction was immediate and instinctive to your step. He took one step back in response to your advance, his body language screaming discomfort and distrust. However, his retreat was cut short as his shoulder made contact with the cold, unyielding surface of the wall behind him. The realization that he had nowhere left to go flashed across his face, a fleeting expression of panic quickly masked by a forced blank stare. He stood there, cornered and tense, like a wounded animal trapped with no escape route.
You knew better than to approach too quickly. Experience had taught you that if he felt cornered or threatened in any way, he'd lash out instinctively. Although he hadn't physically harmed you before, you were aware of his potential to do so. He was a goddamn super soldier, and you were just a civilian. He could snap your neck with one arm. The tension in the air grew and you could sense his unease increasing with each passing moment.
"It's okay, I promise..." You slowly raised your hands, palms outward, trying to placate him. You were very cautious with your actions, designed to show him that you harbored no ill intent. You maybe hoped heâd recognize you were harmless, but understood why he still felt wariness in himself. You remained rooted to the spot where you stood, consciously avoiding any sudden movements that might startle him or exacerbate the fear you had inadvertently stirred. "I just want to see how you're handling yourself... you seem to be in pain, and I want to help. That's all I'm here for, nothing more."
You paused, carefully observing his body language. His already stiff posture became increasingly rigid as he pressed his back firmly against the wall. It was as if he was trying to conceal something from your view or instinctively protect an injury. His wince was unmistakable even in the dark room, as clear as a beacon in the night. Your ears picked up the sharp, hissing intake of breath when he inadvertently applied too much pressure to his backside. The sound was a clear indicator of his discomfort, and it only reinforced your concern.
"Please...Soldat, let me have a look at you?" You whispered softly, your voice barely audible in the tense atmosphere. Your heart ached with the desire to ease his suffering, to offer a gentle touch that might soothe his pain or provide the comfort he had been robbed from. You yearned for his trust, to create a haven where he could lower his defenses and find solace in your presence instead of constantly feeling so anxious and alone.
The air between you grew thick with anticipation, punctuated only by the shallow, measured breaths you both took. In the depths of his eyes, you could see the internal struggle unfoldingâa battle between ingrained wariness and the desperate need and hope for comfort. Time seemed to stretch as he weighed his options, his body still rigid with uncertainty. Finally, after several long minutes, a subtle shift occurred in his demeanor.
Slowly, he began to peel himself away from the wall that had been his refuge. His body language was tinged with nervousness, his gaze never left you as he inched forward, scrutinizing your every breath, every twitch, as if anticipating a sudden betrayal. The distance between you diminished gradually until he came to a halt by the edge of the bed, his posture still coiled with tension, ready to retreat at the slightest provocation.
"There we are...good job," you offered gentle words of encouragement, mirroring the approach you had taken during his bathing session. The positive reinforcement had proven effective then, so you decided to employ the same strategy in this situation. "I can see you're in pain. Could you point to where it hurts?" You inquired softly, fully aware that he might not respond verbally given his usual restraint from speaking.
For a brief period, he remained completely still, his body language giving no indication of his thoughts. Then he shifted his posture, turning in such a way that his back was now fully exposed to your view. However, without the aid of words, the gesture alone didn't provide much clarity. The area of discomfort could be anywhere along his spine or surrounding muscles. "Is it your back that's causing you pain?" You asked, hoping for a more specific response.
He shook his head slightly, a subtle movement that nonetheless clearly conveyed a negative answer.
"OkayâŚis it your legs that are hurting?" You ventured, this query elicited a slight shrug from him, a gesture that hinted at possible agreement but still left room for uncertainty. You found yourself at a loss, unsure of how to proceed or phrase your next question in a way that would yield more precise information. After a moment's hesitation, you decided to be more direct in your approach, hoping it wasn't what you thought, but part of you knew deep down that it probably was. "You don't sit down very often. Is there some discomfort in your bottom?"
He almost made a scoff, his brow furrowing slightly at the unfamiliar sound. The concept of shyness was foreign to him, it contrasted to the harsh commands he was accustomed to hearing, vulgarity being barked at him about his body and how he looked. Soldat's eyes, initially narrowing with a hint of suspicion, quickly softened as he processed your tone. His gaze met yours, and he offered a gentle yet subtle nod. You noticed a flicker of discomfort cross his features, leaving you puzzled about the source of his pain. Hesitantly, you spoke again, "Can I see?"
He bristled instantly, a cocktail of emotions surging through him. Vulnerability and aggression warred within, his muscles tensing as if preparing for a fight. He had to remind himself that this was you standing before him, not them - not the towering figures from his past. You weren't one of the men who had loomed over him, using their size to intimidate and control. You weren't here to pin him down or force his compliance. Instead, you were asking for permission. The concept was so foreign, so at odds with everything he knew, that it almost felt like a trap. The idea that he might have any sort of autonomy, any say in what happened to his own body was terrifying.
Your simple act of requesting permission sent his mind reeling. It stirred up a maelstrom of conflicting instincts within him. Part of him yearned to seize this newfound agency, to exert control over his own choices. Yet another part, deeply ingrained and conditioned by years of abuse, screamed at him to flee. The mere possibility of having a choice was so overwhelming that it almost made him want to turn tail and run, to retreat to the familiar confines of obedience and subservience.
After a moment of internal struggle, he made a decision. He shifted closer to you.
His body language was a mix of caution and tentative trust as he allowed you to examine him. He was clad in the clothes you had provided, a simple black tank top and a pair of comfortable sweatpants. It wasnât much, by any standards, but when he arrived at your home you had no menâs clothes at all. You hastily had to buy him an outfit of some kind. At least these clothes were stretchy, he hadnât even told you his size.
His old uniform had been in a state of utter disrepair - torn, filthy, and reeking of neglect. You recalled the arduous process of attempting to salvage it, for whatever reason. The washing machine had groaned and protested, nearly breaking down after a single cycle as it battled against the ingrained grime and wear.
You delicately hooked your fingers into the elastic waistband of his sweatpants, slowly and cautiously tugging them down his thighs. This was different from when you had bathed him earlier; at that time, you hadn't been able to get a proper look at his condition. The warm water from the bath had caused his skin to flush, making any injuries blend seamlessly with the reddened areas. You hadnât really looked at his lower areas either, your primary concern then had been to cleanse him thoroughly, rather than to scrutinize his body for signs of harm.
As the sweatpants descended to his knees, your eyes widened in shock, taking in the full extent of the damage. Angry welts and livid red lashes crisscrossed the backs of his thighs, creating a horrifying tapestry of abuse. The marks were severely inflamed, with some sporting small, beaded clots of blood that were desperately trying to peek through the swollen skin in an attempt to heal the split flesh. The pattern and severity of the injuries suggested that he had been repeatedly struck with a stick or a similar rigid object, each blow leaving its cruel imprint on his tender skin.
Your gaze followed the trail of lashes as they disappeared beneath the hem of his boxers, leading you to the realization that his buttocks likely bore the brunt of this vicious assault, explaining his evident discomfort and aversion to applying any sort of pressure to that area.
Steeling yourself for what you might find, you reached up to carefully peel down his boxers. As you did so, you offered him words of gentle reassurance, trying to comfort him since this was an extremely vulnerable position. "I'm just gonna take a look, okay?" you murmured soothingly as you slowly shimmied the underwear down to join the sweatpants at his knees, careful not to irritate his welts. Your suspicions were confirmed as the fabric fell away, revealing the full extent of the damage.
His buttocks were covered in a dense network of welts and bruises, the marks here even more numerous and severe than those on his thighs. Bruising painted his backside in various shades of purple, blue, and black, with the deepest bruises appearing almost pitch against his pale skin. The sight was enough to make your stomach churn, a mix of sympathy and anger rising within you at the thought of the pain he must be enduring.
Your gaze was drawn to the sight of dried blood on his inner thighs, your brow furrowing as you looked at the obvious bleeding that had been occurring. Without thinking, you instinctively reached out to get a closer look at the area, wondering if there was an open wound he had been concealing. You didnât want him to have an infection, especially in that tender spot. Your hand gently caressed his cheek, gently trying to spread him to look.
Soldat's reaction to your sudden touch was immediate and he turned away from you, his movements awkward and uncoordinated due to his pants still being bunched around his knees. His eyes were wide with fear and anger, locked onto you as he glared fiercely.
"ĐĐľ ŃŃОгаК ПонŃ!" He snapped, his voice sharp and filled with warning. The Russian words hung in the air between you as he stood rigidly, facing you with a defensive posture.
For a second, you were sure he was going to lash out at you physically with the way he postured up. But you realized that beneath the aggressive front he was putting on, fear was the dominant emotion. He continued to back away from you, his movements jerky and uncoordinated because of the way his pants were around his legs.
As he backed away, his knees collided with the edge of the mattress behind him. The impact caused him to lose balance, and he fell awkwardly into a seated position on the bed. The moment he made contact with the mattress, a sharp, pained sound escaped his lips, wincing as his face contorting in a grimace that showed the intense discomfort he felt from sitting. The force of his body weight had him sit harder than normal, the collision with the bed felt like he had fallen on his ass on the floor.
Almost as quickly as he sat, he struggled to his feet once more. His leg muscles flexed as he jerked himself upward, the sudden movement seemed to intensify his pain and you could see his knees trembling, threatening to give way beneath him. The agony that shot through his body was evident in every line of his face and every quiver of his muscles. He reached out and gripped the edge of the bed, trying to keep himself upright and not fall down to his knees.
Your heart ached seeing him so scared and hurt, especially in this sick way. You took a step forward, your hand held out as you cooed at him. "Soldat, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have touched without telling you. But you're bleeding, I just wanted to see where it was coming from, that's all." You attempted to explain your innocent reasoning, but he felt so much anxiety at the moment, he didn't trust you to just look. Those wild eyes made contact with yours, a look that told you to back off.
So you did. You didn't want to freak him out any more than he was right now.
His trembling legs felt uncontrollable, finally betraying him as he slowly collapsed to the floor, crumbling like a wilting flower. He surrendered to the soft embrace of the plush carpet beneath him, settling down on his side. He carefully curled into a tight ball, desperately trying to ignore the searing, relentless pain that radiated from his ass. The intensity of the sensation was overwhelming now that he had stimulated the pain by his accidental sit, causing him to retreat further into himself. It didn't help that memories were flooding his vision, he just saw boots surrounding him and vicious words being spat at him.
You observed his distress from a distance, recognizing the need for space in this. You made the decision to quietly exit the room, allowing him the solitude he seemed to desperately cling to. Attempting to intervene or offer comfort at this time would likely prove counterproductive, pushing too hard or too soon would only serve to exacerbate the situation, potentially causing him to withdraw even further. You wanted him to trust you so badly, but that meant patience was your best friend, and you required it for this delicate situation.
From what you had seen, your mind wandered to possible causes. You knew of the beating and relentless torture he faced, for whatever reason the idea of sexual assault hadn't crossed your mind until now. However...the blood trickling down his inner thigh felt like a slap in the face at your ignorance.
Of course they would do that. HYDRA was full of sick degenerates that were hungry for taboo and inhumane activities. The men in charge got away with everything, and being an asset in HYDRA was less than being a pet, a mere toy for pleasure and consumption. Soldat was basically just a doll for them to puppet around and fuck with.
After several long minutes had passed, you made your way back to the room. Soldat was still curled up tightly on the floor, his arms wrapped protectively around his face and his knees drawn up close to his chest. The poor soldier looked so pitiful as he curled into a small ball like that, as if he were shielding himself from an impending threat. Your heart ached at the sight, deep-seated fear must have driven him to such a defensive position.
You approached him.
Your feet moved silently across the plush carpet of the room, each step measured and deliberate so as not to startle him. As you drew closer, you lowered yourself to the ground, settling a few feet away from his huddled form. You wanted to be near enough to offer comfort, but far enough to give him the space he clearly needed.
"Soldat..." Your voice was barely above a whisper, soft and soothing to keep his frayed nerves calm. "Do you want me to help you clean up? I promise, I won't do anything you're not comfortable with. I'm not... I'm nothing like those bastards who hurt you." The last words came out with a hint of venom, your disgust for those who had mistreated him evident in your tone.
There was a moment of tense silence before Soldat eventually responded. He hesitantly lifted his head, the sight of his face made your heart clench. His face was flushed a deep red with random blotches, his eyes were glossier than you had ever seen them, brimming with unshed tears. The vulnerability in his gaze was almost unbearable to look at, making your chest feel tighter with each breath. You watched as he visibly swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing with the motion. His head inclined ever so slightly in what you interpreted as a nod of agreement.
Encouraged by his response, you continued in the same gentle tone, "I promise you, it'll help those welts feel better. Bit of cool water and some ointment will soothe the pain and help the inflammation." You paused, talking as if you were speaking to a frightened animal or scared child. "And I really need to make sure you don't have any tears or excessive bleeding down there. That could lead to infections or other bad things that will require more serious care, and I don't want your condition to worsen. I swear I'll be as gentle as possible."
A beat.
Then two.
Then three.
Soldat gave you another slow nod, just enough for you to notice his compliance. "I'm going to go grab some things, I'll be right back." You went to the bathroom where you kept a first aid kit, not really sure what you needed, but it contained some gels and ointments that you knew would at least soothe the swelling skin.
You carefully settled yourself beside him and reached for a bottle of soothing ointment, it was typically used for burns but equally effective for welts. The cool, smooth glass of the bottle felt reassuring in your palm as you unscrewed the cap. You squeezed a generous amount onto your fingertips, the translucent gel glistening and cooling your fingers already.
You lowered your hand to his ass, your fingers ghosting over his skin before making full contact. You tenderly began to spread the healing substance over one of his cheeks, ensuring every affected area was covered. You made sure not to press too hard, and to get it down his thighs too.
At the initial contact, his body tensed involuntarily. The sudden coolness of the gel against his heated skin elicited a sharp intake of breath, followed by a long, shuddering exhale. His mind reeled, struggling to process this new sensation. He never experienced the soothing balm of pain relief; it was an alien concept to him.
Throughout his time in HYDRA, he had been conditioned to endure, to bear the full brunt of every punishment, every ache, every sting. The mantra that had been drilled into him echoed in his mind: pain was the sculptor of his being, the unyielding order he was meant to follow. It was through suffering, they said, that he would be molded into their ideal.
And so, he had taken it all - every lash, every blow, every tormenting penetration they forced onto him. The pain had been relentless, a constant companion that he had learned to expect and accept, no matter how intense or unbearable it became.
But right now, things were different. For the first time in decades, the familiar sting of pain was gradually being replaced by a soothing coolness that spread across his skin. The sensation was so different, of relief, of comfort, of care. The contrast between what he had always known and what he was now feeling was stark and overwhelming, almost triggering him to react and wipe it away, to feel that horrible pain once again. He at least knew who he was, who he was supposed to be with the pain accompanying him like his shadow. Without it, the sliver of knowledge of his being was gone.
"Most of the lashes are already clotted to heal so...there's no need to bandage them." You spoke calmly, satisfied with the ointment being spread on him. "But I will wipe away the bit of blood from between your legs, okay?"
Soldat, still reeling from the memories plaguing his mind, somehow understood your words and gave a tentative nod.
He felt the warm, damp cloth gently press against his sensitive inner thigh, the soothing heat gradually softening the dried, crusted blood. With each careful stroke, you cleaned away the remnants of his ordeal. Even after it had long been over, his body carried the wounds of it, reminding him of the painful experiences. Your touch was tender, as if you were handling something precious and fragile. The level of care you were showing him left him with feelings he couldn't quite decipher. He struggled to understand and accept your gentle treatment with his own self-perception. You approached him with a kindness and respect typically reserved for fellow human beings, a category he had long since excluded himself from.
He was a machine.
He was a toy.
He was HYDRAâs fist.
He was not a person.
You delicately cleansed between the affected areas, ensuring no trace of blood remained. Your movements were slow and deliberate as you navigated around the swollen, tender flesh, careful with the area since you knew it was very intimate and you didnât want him to feel like he were being threatened. After all the blood was washed away, you applied a cooling balm specifically formulated to alleviate inflammation and discomfort in that sensitive region.
"There we go...all done," you murmured softly. Your hand was so warm and comforting, trailed along his back in a gesture of reassurance. To your surprise, he didn't flinch or pull away from your touch, a small victory in itself considering he would with any other kind of physical gesture. Mustering his strength, he pushed himself up onto his elbows, twisting slightly to survey the damage inflicted upon his body.
Soldat turned away as quickly as he saw it, his mouth contorting into a pained grimace. The soldier couldn't bear to look anymore, his mind reeling from the vivid memories that assaulted him.
He felt the phantom strikes of various implements of torture - the sharp sting of canes and crops swinging down against his ass.
The bruising impact of hands and boots, the searing pain of teeth sinking into his abused flesh, and the cruel bite of leather belts. He especially hated when the buckle hit his groin.
These ghostly sensations, etched deep into his psyche, haunting him with the horrors he endured, making him flinch involuntarily as if the torment was happening all over again.
"It's okay." You whispered, "You are safe now." Your hand rubbed circles on his back, you'd keep this in mind, this kind of assault he endured. It was complicate things in the future, but for now all you cared about was his comfortability. You continued to whisper comforting things, pulling a blanket over him that had been on the floor by his makeshift bed. You draped it over his backside, covering him and giving him some kind of security with feeling covered up.
For the first time, he seemed to be accepting your touch without reservations, as you felt the soldier's back muscles relax under your palm.
Dividers by @/strangergraphics | Images found on Pinterest
#bucky barnes#winter soldier#the winter soldier#james buchanan barnes#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x you#winter soldier x reader#the winder soldier x reader#winter soldier x you#the winter soldier x you#captain america the winter soldier#catws#bucky barnes angst#blythewritesâ
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do you? i do. (akaashi keiji x reader)
summary: you lose a bet, so now you have to confess to your crush. for my valentineâs day event - theme: confessions.
word count: 1461
tags: @nishayuro @kitas-tapioca @kakashineedstotouchgrass @amisuh @avis-writeshq @samanthaa-leanne @akaashi-todorki @sp1ng @kur0obaby @bleach-your-panties @pinkiipeachiikeen @keiva1000 @msbyomimi @sleepyxxhead @kindnessspreads
event masterlist
Turns out, promising to do âanything you wantâ wasnât something Konoha Akinori took lightly. Especially not when you add Bokuto Koutaro to the mix. Konoha was a sly opportunist, while Bokuto wasnât embarrassed by anything, so it was a deadly combination.
You didnât know why you let yourself be talked into making a stupid, silly bet with the two boys. Konoha had a talent to goad, and he managed to successfully goad you. So when you lost the bet (really, why did you think having a physical competition with two volleyball players was a good idea), it was like Konoha had his winning prize ready. The request fell from his lips like he had been practicing it for days.
Which he probably had. The menace.
So here you were, hands shaking violently as you put away water bottles and towels, cleaning up the club room and taking all the time in the world to change back into your uniform. The other managers had offered to wait for you so you could walk home together, but you encouraged them to go on, saying you had some stuff to organize before you left so it would take time. You didnât need them to stick around to see you horrifically embarrass yourself when you confessed your silly crush and got rejected. Already Konoha was making all the boys stay behind to witness the moment. You couldnât bear to have your closest friends see it too.
You locked the club room behind yourself before slowly and painfully making your way to the gym. You could hear the thuds of volleyballs and squeaks of shoes as the boys noisily cleaned up. They were talking and laughing amongst themselves, and you felt your nerves tighten even more. This was the worst possible place and time to confess. The chances of public humiliation were sky high. But Konoha had made his demands clear. And you werenât one to go back on your word, no matter how dire the consequences.
You smoothed your skirt when you reached the gym doors, standing in the doorway and watching the scene before you. Despite the net slowly being lowered, Bokuto was still bounding towards it.
âAkaashi, go again!â
The boy in question was already in position, setting the ball high towards Bokuto, who spiked it hard over the half-up net. Washio was yelling at them to stop and it was enough for the day.
You watched Akaashi wipe the sweat off his forehead and kneel to tie his shoe, breathing slightly labored from the exertion. Your feet remained frozen, eyeing him silently and dreading how your relationship with him was about to change forever. While Akaashi wasnât someone who harbored ill feelings, you werenât sure how he was going to react to a love confession and subsequent rejection. What guarantee did you have that this wouldnât affect your friendship going forward?
âOi, look whoâs here!â Konohaâs voice was filled with glee, and all eyes turned to look at you when he pointed at the door. You fought the urge to roll your eyes and deck him across the face. Violence was not the answer.
âDo you have something to say?â
Okay, maybe violence was the answer.
You gave him a large, fake grin, before nodding jerkily. You could feel the edge of your face and your ears turn burning hot, hands already going clammy as you tried to clench and unclench them.
âAkaashi-san, may I talk to you in private?â
Akaashi seemed surprised, blinking twice before nodding and standing up to walk towards you. No one else was caught off guard, of course, grinning faces looking between you two, knowing what was about to happen. You wished the ground would open up and swallow you whole so you wouldnât have to do this in front of the entire volleyball team. But a bet was a bet. You had brought this upon yourself.
Whenever you had lain in bed and fantasized about confessing to Akaashi, you had pictured just you and him. Either outside the gym, or in the school grounds, nice cool air blowing through your clothes and hair. You had imagined how he would smile and return your feelings, which was a long shot but anything was possible in your imagination.
Akaashi wasâŚ. dignified. Organized. He was crazy smart, perceptive to a fault. It was almost impossible to not like him. Two years since you had started managing the Fukurodani team, and your crush on him had only grown. The more you learned about him, the more you liked him. And he was leagues above you in every sense.
That was the reason you had always believed Akaashi couldnât return your feelings.
He stepped out behind you, following you only a few steps away from the gym doors. Konoha had explicitly said that you had to stay within earshot. A childish, immature request but part of the bet reward, so you couldnât exactly refuse. You turned back to the boy, unable to meet his eyes and instead staring at your own hands as you fiddled with your fingers. You had rehearsed in your head over and over how you would take Akaashiâs rejection, what you would say, how would you tell him it wasnât a big deal and you didnât expect him to return your feelings. That you hoped you could still be friends. But now, standing before him, you realized you hadnât really thought about the actual confession. You were completely blank.
âIs everything okay?â Akaashiâs voice was laced with concern, and he tilted his head a bit to catch your eye. You stared at him for a good minute before blinking and vigorously nodding.
âYes! Completely fine. Iâm fine.â
Embarrassment was already beginning to crawl up on you. There was a bout of silence. Behind Akaashi, you caught sight of multiple heads peeking through the window. You felt annoyance build up in you.
âScrew this,â you mumbled. âAkaashi-san, I like you. A lot. Not as a friend. And I was never going to tell you, but I lost a bet to Konoha and he thought this would be the perfect way to humiliate me. By making me confess. SoâŚ.. here I am. Iâm sorry for dragging you into this.â
Akaashi watched you unblinkingly for a few moments. You glanced at Konoha who was scowling, probably because you name dropped him. But that wasnât one of his conditions, so you didnât care. You felt a twinge of satisfaction at having bested him even in your current circumstance. Good. He deserved to feel even a fraction of the anxiety and embarrassment you were feeling right now.
âWhy would that humiliate you?â Akaashi finally spoke.
Your eyes met his dark ones, and you felt yourself freeze. Of all the questions you thought he would ask, this was not one you were prepared for.
âUh-â You tried to come up with an answer that didnât sound equally as embarrassing as the confession. Because you will reject me and they will all witness it?
Akaashi sighed and toed at the ground a bit, mouth pursed in thought. You stared at him wide eyed, waiting for him to speak. To say something. Follow up on his unusual question.
âThis isnât exactly how I imagined this moment to go.â He muttered, and you wouldnât have caught it if you werenât already looking at him. Your breath hitched, eyes so wide you were sure they would pop out of your skull. You tried to process the sentence, tried to think of any reason he would say that without getting your hopes up.
Akaashi peered around, as if searching for something, looking left and right before he finally caught the floating heads behind him. There was a yelp as they disappeared from the window suddenly, followed by thudding and a curse. You bit back your laughter. Akaashi rolled his eyes.
âI would like to talk about this more. Where others canât see us.â His voice was as calm and quiet as ever. You felt your heart race. Your limbs felt jittery. Did this meanâŚ.?
âAkaashi-san, do you-â
A smile that made your heart leap. âI do.â
You felt a smile stretch over your face, feeling giddy at the thought of something you had considered so impossible materializing in front of your very eyes. You could still hear faint bickering from the gym, and you were sure Konoha had not seen this coming. Somehow, he was the least of your concerns now, in the face of Akaashiâs quiet smile and the way he was leaning towards you. You leaned forward too, realizing you had never been this close to him before. You basked in the moment.
In ten million years you could not have wished for a better outcome.
#akaashi keiji x reader#akaashi x reader#akaashi keiji fluff#akaashi fluff#akaashi keiji x you#akaashi keiji x y/n#hq x reader#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu fluff#hq fluff
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Heavy Sleeper
I wrote like half of this at 3am 6 months ago and finally decided to finish it đ
Generation: Bayverse, 2003, 2007 TMNT
TMNT Donatello x Reader
Pronouns: Gender Neutral
Warnings: illness, fainting, fever, IV
Tags: angst, fluff, illness
Summary: You overworked yourself past exhaustion helping Donnie with a new project. Not that you minded. Or noticed, until it was too late.
Word Count: 3229
â¨â¨â¨â¨â¨â¨â¨â¨â¨â¨
It has been a long night. âŚ..and a long morning. You had been spending the last few days with Donnie occupied in the lab, helping him with some of the smaller, more detailed work on his new security device. While you were busy soldering pathways onto extra small microchips at the workbench, Donnie was typing away creating the programming at his computer. It required a high level of focus. Which, honestly, you usually didnât have. However, this project had all your attention, and you had been happily hyper focused on designing the little golden pathways on those tiny green wafer boards for almost 3 days straight.
Donnie was extremely grateful for your help. But he was suspicious how his energetic little dove was being so quiet and still while they worked. The thought came to him a few times that he should go check on you again, but he was equally engrossed in his own project and kept getting sucked back into the work.
Your trick was: caffeine. You had discovered in college that if you drank caffeine on an empty stomach, you could stay extra focused for hours on end. Obviously, this wasnât good for your health. Or your stomach. But usually you would finish whatever project it was you were laser focused on within the day, so the strain on your body wouldnât last that long.
This was lasting very long. Very very long. And you had no idea of the passage of time. There was no sun peeking through curtains to inform you that you had worked through the night, or disgruntled roommate checking in to wonder why you hadnât emerged all day. Donnieâs brothers were very well used to his overworking tendencies, so they paid it no mind he was only coming out for coffee and pop tarts. What they didnât realize was that you were still in the lair, all assuming you had gone home after the first night. So none had thought to go in to check on the lab.
Here lies the dilemma. It had been maybe 64 hours since you had slept or properly consumed anything besides coffee and a singular package of pop tarts, frequently forgetting about the pile of snacks Donnie kept leaving on your desk. Your back was stiff, muscles sore, and your throat was starting to feel incredibly dry. But all your attention being on finishing your project meant all your physical awareness was finely tuned out.
Except that little tickle in the back of your throat.
It started maybe 5âŚ. 6 hours ago. It was a little bothersome, making you clear your throat and drink a little more coffee to soothe it. But it kept coming back. The tickle started to become a little painful, and clearing your throat turned into small dry coughs. You were drinking more and more coffee to try and wash down the feeling or maybe chase away the dehydration. Your lips started to feel dry, then your eyes, joining in with your uncomfortably dry throat. By the time evening rolled around, your chest was burning terribly, and a migraine had started to thrum with your pulse. Having finished your pot of coffee maybe 2 hours ago and hadnât bothered to go make more, you were thinking you just needed to get more to drink.
You took a small pause in your welding to push up your goggles and wipe at your dry eyes, when suddenly your vision blurred. For a second, you suddenly found your body lurching to the side off your chair before you caught yourself on the side of the desk.
âHuh⌠that was weird. Maybe Iâm just tired. Iâll go make more coffee.â
Donnie had been bringing you refills whenever he had gotten up to make more, but you had finished your pot twice as fast as usual. You moved to the side of your chair to stand, and your feet touched the ground with your full weight. To your surprise, your knees almost buckled underneath you, and blackness started to creep in the edges of your vision.
Your body felt weak, and your muscles ached. Keeping a death grip on the edge of the table, you took a slow step towards Donnieâs part of the lab, then another. You blinked rapidly to try and chase away the encroaching darkness creeping in your vision, but too soon your eyesight went dark, and it felt like your brain was shutting down. Internally, you were panicking and fighting to stay conscious, but all you could manage was weakly calling out for Donnie before you blacked out. You didnât even feel yourself hit the ground.
Donnie, on the other side of the lab, had pulled away from his computer moments before to rub a hand down over his face. This line of code was driving him crazy and he couldnât figure out where heâd gone wrong. He briefly heard the scrape of (y/n) pushing their chair away from the table, and expected to hear your footsteps head past him to the small bathroom in the back of the lab. He took a moment to flag this line of code- again, for further meddling later. The genius turtle had to admit he was reaching his limits on staying awake and figured it was time he took himself and (y/n) to bed.
But where was (y/n)? They hadnât come in to greet him yet. Were they just adjusting their chair? That was when he heard it.
âdâŚ.don nieâŚâ your voice called out weakly, strained, and barely above a whisper before he heard a light thud from the other room. Had you dropped something? He quickly pulled himself to stand and made his way to the other room to check on what it was you needed.
There. On the floor. You laid still and unmoving on your side against the cold floor.
â(Y/N)!!!!â Donnie exclaimed. Startled, he rushed to your side and dropped down beside you, pulling you into his lap. â(Y/n)! (Y/N)!!!!â He shook you slightly trying to rouse your attention, but your eyes were closed and your body fully limp in his arms. Unresponsive. Quickly, he felt for your pulse, sighing when he found it, but worried by the heightened pace. Donnie scooped you up into his arms and quickly carried you towards the med bay across the lair.
He made his way out of his lab and passed the living room where Mikey and Leo were watching a movie on the TV, and Raph was making a sandwich in the kitchen.
âHuh? Donnie? Is that (y/n)? I didnât see them come in⌠are they asleep??â Leo asked when he saw Donnie rush out holding you in his arms.
âNo time. (Y/n) fainted in the lab.â Donnie rushed out and speed walked through the clear plastic panels into the med bay, ignoring the startled âWHATâ echoed by Leo and Mikey, and what sounded like Raph choking on his sandwich.
He laid you out gently on the padded white exam table, 3 sizes too big for you, and rushed around the drawers and cabinets. He acquired a stethoscope, thermometer, blood pressure pump, and various other tools to properly check your health and brought them over to the table beside you just as his brothers rushed in.
âANGELCAKES ARE YOU OKAY??? Ow-â Mikey rushed in pushing past Leo and Raph and dramatically ran to your side before Raph smacked the back of his head.
âMikey, chill out. Give âem some room.â Raph growled out, trying to pull his dramatic little brother back while Leo stepped forward.
âDonnie, what happened to (y/n)?â
Donnie was now wearing the stethoscope and had the end pressed to the rise and fall of your chest as your breathing strained.
âHmm⌠heart palpitations⌠lungs⌠crackling sound⌠that canât be good.â Donnie was muttering notes under his breath, reaching up to place his hand over your forehead. He found a scorching hot fever and his heart sank. Only then did he turn to Leo. âWe⌠weâve been working in the lab the past few days⌠pretty intenselyâŚ.â Donnie winched. âIn hindsight, we did not take as many breaks as we should have. It appears (y/n) has collapsed from exhaustion.â Donnieâs eyes went downcast. He looked equally tired, but guilt was weighing heavy on his shoulders.
âTheyâve been here all along?? We thought they went home days ago. Arenât they usually the one making sure youâre eating and taking breaks to sleep?â The shock in Leoâs voice was clear. You were usually so doting with Donnie, cooking his favorite foods and dragging him off to bed with you to make sure he was well taken care of when he got too involved in his work. It appears this time the tables were turned. âThey were helping you with a project? Have they been eating enough?â Leo pressed.
That seemed to have caught Donnieâs attention and he suddenly turned back to continue his check on you. âYes, Iâve been bringing them snacks whenever Iâd get up for coffee. They mustâve been weakened from lack of rest and dehydrationâŚ. Iâm going to check their blood pressure.â Donnie wrapped the cuff around your arm, and started to inflate it when you started to stir.
âHuh⌠that doesnât look good.â
Your eyes fluttered open and you took a deep breath. The bright lights making you wince and shut your eyes again. You moved to bring a hand up to your face but was surprised to feel the tug of something around your arm.
âMmh? DonnieâŚ? What time is itâŚâ You stretched, confused as to why your body ached so much. Why was he looming over you? And his room was never this bright or cold.
â(Y/n)! Thank goodness⌠Darling, when was the last time you ate?â Donnie held your shaky hand in his and gently stroked his thumb over your knuckles.
âHmâŚ? The uhâŚ. Pop tarts you gave meâŚâ
Donnie sighed in relief, remembering he had brought you a package of pop tarts to set on your desk just that afternoon.
âRight after we took a nap together.â
Then Donnie blanched.
âSweetheart⌠our last nap together was almost 3 days ago. What happened to the snacks I was leaving on your deskâŚ?â He asked, trying to be hopeful. They had disappeared each time he had returned, so he assumed you had eaten them.
â3 daysâŚ? OhâŚ. Um⌠they were in the way, so I moved them to the bench for laterâŚ. I mustâve forgotten about them.â
Leo slapped a hand over his face. He was realizing you and his brother had more in common than he thought.
âMikey, can you please go make some soup? Raph, please let dad know that (y/n) will be staying over for the next few days.â Mikey did a mock salute and rushed to the kitchen to make some light chicken noodle soup and Raph left to find Master Splinter in his plant room. Leo went to grab some clean blankets and a spare pillow from their storage room.
Your breathing was labored in the now quiet room. You turned your head to the side to rest against the cool pillow as you gazed up at Donnie with your shiny dazed eyes, cheeks flushed and red. âI almost finished the motherboard⌠just gotta⌠add the red and yellow wiresâŚâ You trailed off as your eyes slid shut. They burned with exhaustion and the light was hurting your head.
Donnie leaned in close and cupped your cheek gently, and pressed a kiss to your sweaty forehead. His brow furrowed with worry, but his eyes were soft with adoration. âYou did an amazing job. Iâll finish it up later, you just get some rest. Okay?â His thumb stroked your cheek.
âMh hm⌠donât forget the⌠polyimide adhesive tapeâŚâs under my jacketâŚâ You mumbled as you easily slipped into sleep.
Donnie smiled at you. He loves you. He loves that you taught yourself engineering to help him out with his workload. But right now he was regretting it, seeing the heavy bags under your eyes as you slept soundly. He scrubbed a hand down his face and sighed.
When you learned that it was difficult for him and his brothers to do the delicate work of designing circuit boards for their tech, he was surprised you immediately showed interest in learning. He admittedly didnât take you very seriously at first. But then you started joining him in the lab on long nights to study books you had checked out from the library on basic engineering, he taught you how to assemble his tech and how to solder and weld the machines together into things that would help them on patrol and repair things around the lair. He still remembers the first thing youâd ever made. The poorly soldered little metal band he wore around his right pinky finger.
Leo came back in with the blankets in tow. âShould we move them to your bed?â He asked Donnie.
âNot yet, I need to set them up with an IV to get some fluids in them first. I suspect theyâre very dehydrated, on top of the general exhaustion.â Donnie was swaying in place. He looked exhausted, and Leo felt worry for you and his brother. It had been a long time since you last let him overwork himself to this extent. He blamed himself for not checking in on his brother sooner.
âWhy donât you go lie down? Iâll set up (y/n)âs IV and keep an eye on them.â
âBut (y/n)âŚ.â
â-Would want you to rest.â Leo finished with a knowing smile.
Donnie sighed and looked you over. Leo unfolded the blanket and draped it over you so you wouldnât get cold. Donnie fussed with bringing the edge right up under your chin and fixed your hair. He didnât want to leave you in here, but he knew Leo was right. He wouldnât be much use to you if both of you collapsed from exhaustion, so he relented.
âWake me up if you need anything.â Donnie stood up on shaky legs.
âUh huh.â Leo put his hands on Donnieâs shoulders and led him out of the med bay.
âAnd I mean anything-â
âOf course Donnie, now go to bed.â Leo pushed him out in the direction of their bedrooms. Raph and Mikey in the kitchen watched as Donnie trudged and swayed towards his bedroom, and disappeared into the darkness swinging his door shut.
âDuuude. Do I gotta start hiding the coffee again?â Mikey said from where he was chopping veggies for your soup.
Leo pointed at Mikey, âNo more caffeine for those two for a month!â
Raph grunted a laugh.
Leo had set up your IV, just like Donnie had taught him. After an hour and a half, your body had absorbed most of the fluids, so Leo felt satisfied enough to wake you up. He shook your shoulder a bit to wake you up. You were deep asleep. The soup at your bedside that Mikey had brought in had cooled to a safe temperature, so he wanted to make sure you ate something hearty before he sent you back to bed.
âMmh?â You finally started to stir.
â(Y/n), wake up. Youâve got to eat something.â Leo coaxed.
Your eyes fluttered open and immediately winced at the bright light. Leo stood over you to shield your eyes from the overhead light as you adjusted.
âWhereâs Donnie?â You asked a bit dazed, looking around. The tickle in your throat was now a scratchy and irritated pain. You coughed hard into your fist.
âHe went to bed. Here, Mikey made you some soup. It should still be warm enough.â Once you had sat up he handed you the bowl.
âTry and eat as much of it as you can, so you can take your medicine.â
You hummed in response, stifling another cough. You balanced the soup in your lap and slowly ate, spooning the warm chicken stock and veggies into your mouth. It soothed your throat, and with a few more bites you felt less shaky. You ate slowly, but you managed to finish almost the entire bowl.
Leo looked pleased and handed you your meds to swallow. Mikey poked his head in through the door to check on you as well.
âHowâs angelcakes feeling?â
You paused a long moment as you sipped at a glass of water.
âBetter.â You croaked. You still felt absolutely dreadful, but, âthe soup helped. Thank you Mikey.â
The orange ninja beamed. Raph also peaked in over his little brotherâs shoulder.
Leo looked back to you and took the bowl and spoon from your lap. He checked your IV pack and saw that most of it was gone. Your eyes looked heavy again as your body begged for more rest.
âI think itâs time you got some more sleep.â Leo mothered you. He tried to lift the edge of the blanket to cover you as you lay down but your hand stopped him.
Your red rimmed eyes were distant, and you cleared your throat as you found your words. ââŚ.Can I go to Donnieâs room? Please?â
Leo couldnât help but smile at the innocent request. âSure thing. Come on-â You sat back up and Leo removed your IV. He motioned for you to adjust yourself, and Leo wrapped you up like a burrito in the blanket before scooping you up and carried you out of the med bay.
Mikey chuckled and rushed over to open Donnieâs door for you and his brother.
âSpecial delivery!!â He called into the darkness of Donnieâs room. A groan echoed out as the exhausted purple turtle was woken up. Leo carried you in and Donnie scooted over to make room for you to be deposited on his bed.
âThanks Leo⌠hey babeâŚâ Donnie greeted you sleepily, sitting up in bed as he received you and untangled you from the blanket.
Leo quietly walked out of the room to give you two privacy, and shoved Mikeyâs face out of the way so he could close the heavy metal door behind him.
You stifled a cough, and reached out for Donnie in the darkness. The purple turtle dipped down into your embrace, and smooched your flushed red cheek. His arms slid up your back, and he pulled you flush against him in a warm embrace. He patted around for the edge of the blanket, before pulling it up and covering the both of you. He sighed deeply as he relaxed again against the pillows with you wrapped up in his arms.
âThanks for helping meâŚ.. but please donât ever do that again.â He mumbled against the crown of your head.
âDo what?â You asked, already half asleep.
âCollapse.â
You hummed a little laugh and snuggled in impossibly closer.
âIâll do my bestâŚâ
Donnie pressed another quick kiss to your head, and you both quickly slipped back asleep.
The End :]
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